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Coming up for air – part twenty eight
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“I’m scared, T….”
“What are you scared of?”
“I’m scared… that you won’t ever want to have a family with me…..” Bette said completely aware of how her heart beat furiously.
Tina leant back in her chair as she thought about Bette’s fear. “Why does that frighten you?”
“Because… T… ever since our son died, I’ve wanted a child like never before – and I know you’re the only one I can experience that with. If you’re with Mikey all the time, maybe you won’t ever get back to the place where us becoming a family is your dream…. I want it to be OUR dream again,” Bette said, her voice rising.
“Do you think it could be OUR dream, Bette? Because it wasn’t our dream back then – it was MY dream, wasn’t it?”
“… yes, at first it was… but losing our son changed that for me – to have a baby has become something I want… now I’m just not sure if it’s still something YOU want….”
“Mikey hasn’t changed how I feel about having a child, Bette… Mikey is not my son and he never will be. But I love him… and I will not let him down. As long as I can be there for him, I will be… regardless of how you feel about me spending time with him,” Tina said, suppressing the anger that once again flared up inside her.
“…Tina… please don’t be mad…” Bette tried.
“I do get mad, when you tell me what I can and cannot do… it pisses me off, to tell you the truth. I am capable of making my own choices, Bette…”
“I know you’re capable… “ Bette said in a meek voice.
“Sometimes I don’t think you do… you lost your faith in my abilities when I stopped working… But Bette, so did I… I never should have left work – it changed the dynamic between us. I lost a huge part of my identity and I thought I could fill up that hole with the love of our child…. but we all know how that went….” Tina said with sarcasm.
“Tina! Don’t! I can’t bear to hear you talk like that… You have to stop blaming yourself for the loss of our son…”
“… I know…. maybe someday I’ll get to that point…” Tina said with a sigh.
“Someday is not fast enough, T… we’ll never get the chance of another baby, if you hold onto the guilt….” Bette said. She was on a roll so she continued, “and you should tell me about Mikey… you never say a word about him to me. I need to know about the important stuff in your life… and I want to know what it does to you to spend time with him…”
Tina looked at Bette in astonishment, “you want to know about Mikey…? I had no idea…”
“Why wouldn’t I? You love him… and I’m completely left out of that….”
“I thought that because of my history with Henry… you wouldn’t want to know about Mikey…”
“I don’t give a fuck about Henry…” Bette said with agitation, “I do, however, want to know what makes you happy…. I love you Tina… and I want to get to know what loving Mikey does to you…”
“… Okay…. I’m sorry, Bette… you’re right. I should’ve let you in on that….”’
Tina was silent for a while as Bette’s words ran through her mind.
“… T…?” Bette whispered, getting worried about Tina’s continued silence.
“… yes… sorry….”
“You still haven’t told me if you want a baby with me… somewhere down the line…”
Tine reached across the table and took Bette’s hand.
“Do you want to know what number one on my top twenty is?” Tina said, gently squeezing Bette’s hand.
“…. yes….” Bette whispered barely audible.
“The number one thing I missed about you…. is that you’re the only one who could ever fulfill my dreams… what ever they were – you always made the greatest effort to take me there. I lost that when I lost you, Bette…. my dreams died when I walked out on you…. I settled for less… I don’t want to do that anymore,” Tina said, her eyes never leaving Bette’s.
Bette took a deep breath to control her emotions. “Are they coming back to you… the dreams?”
“…as we speak, baby… as we speak….” Tina smiled.
Tina got up and went to Bette’s side. “Come here…” she whispered.
Bette stood up and stepped into Tina’s embrace.
“One day you and I are going to be parents, Bette… it was always with you I saw myself…” Tina whispered close to Bette’s ear.
“…. I love number one on your list, T….” Bette smiled against Tina’s cheek.
“… me too…” Tina said with a little laugh.
“… now that you’ve revealed number one on your list, does that mean you won’t tell me what came before…?”
“…oh, you want the rest of the list?” Tina giggled.
“Well, you did promise me a bedtime story….”
“Are you ready to go to bed… it’s only nine o’clock…” Tina teased.
“I was born ready….” Bette said as she took Tina’s hand and turned for the bedroom.
TBC
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Straight to top of the list, and Tina’s number one was just… exquisite. Hm, I wonder if she’ll top Bette when she goes through the rest of the list? And yeah, anker, I meant to say it *just like that*. ;) They’ll have to keep talking to each other though, about children, about what they’re feeling, and about everything else. Great chapter, as always. Thanks, anker.
SWEET! they talked things thru what a start and its all down hill from here.p.p.s.
Excelletn chapter, anker. On TLW, I think Bette’s becoming a better communicator as well.
Glad to see them clear up some on their issues. It’s amazing what a little communication can accomplish. Great chapter.
Weh hee Love It bring on the list
Glad they worked it out. Do we get to hear the rest of the list or only Bette? I hope they keep their communication open and keep talking like they did this chap. Thanks for the post, PPS.
Oh I’m delighted at this turn of events. LOL. Thanks you for not dumping in them in Sappyville. I’m so relieved. Plus, I couldn’t stay away from this story even if I wanted to 8p. Now…on to that list eh? ~eg~ PPS~!
yes! they can talk without fight! is a very good start in the communicatin skills, i hope they talk more in order to make strong their relationship
beautiful… i loved it… and i love # 1 on the list… ok now we are ready for the next 19
It might take a while to get to the next 19. As long As they talk the other 19 can take years. No 1 was the best. thanks for posting
It might take a while to get to the next 19. As long As they talk the other 19 can take years. No 1 was the best. thanks for posting
Great conversation…hmmm 9 p.m. came a bit fast for me here!!!!! but bring on T’s top 20….yup, I’m on the mend…combination of virus and February being a month I’d prefer to see drop off the calendar…but ten more days and it’s over until 2008!!! ouch!!!! sorry u’ve got nothing to take up your weekend but writing for us BUT u made me happy with this ‘fix-up’, I hate it when THEY fight altho ep6 was a good one…both of ’em in full flight…SEXY!!!!!
Well, well, well Anker. I knew you would work things out for them. Great chappy and a strong communication line developing between the two of them. If only on the show!!!So life is good?! I’m so happy for you!I’m glad you have time to write, since you are so good and it makes me happy to read anything you write.Yea I’d say you fixed it.Can’t wait for Tinas top 20. I will take notes and set up a fan, cause its sure to get hot in here.xoxo
Ouch! MY dream vs. OUR dream… how true to life is that concept?! I was a little worried at the beginning of the chapter, but three cheers to Tina for holding it together and bringing them back around to what’s important. Great transitional writing, Anker! The top 20 post this weekend? You will spoil us! Thanks for writing.
Wow, a B&T learning to communicate. I am looking forward to the other 19 items on the list. :)
Yeah! Bring on the list! I’m glad they talked things out….something I wish they would do on the show!!!
much happier now :)
it is a start… longer
Now that is what I’m talking about, the communication, the love and so much more! Thank you so much for writing this!
Good that they’re talk and work thing out!
It’s sad to think that Tina’s dreams died without Bette, but I do love these lists. Can’t wait to read what the other 19 on Tina’s list are. Thanks!
Hey mate, glad you’ve started to fix their problems so soon, but they have a long way to go still!! Now give B&T and US that list to read, hear, feel, touch, smell, taste….okay okay I think you got the idea LOL. Post soon, I’m addicted to this wonderful story. Have a good Sunday :o))
Nice one, anker! That’s why you’re part of _our_ top 20! ;-)
Awesome chapter anker, communication is the key! Now on to Tina’s list…
Hey Anker. I just got caught up on the last 4 posts. I was so excited to see them when I got back. Excellent as always. I love that you have found a way for these two to communicate. So looking forward to the next post. Hope all is well.
anker, with this chapter you have proven what I have always known…you are an all around excellent writer. I am happy that I will get a double fix from you this weekend and hope all is well with you my friend. I know we are about to get another one of your HOT chapters and I can’t wait. wink! wink!