I decide to take the stairs because it’s faster and I take two at a time to the tenth floor, when I arrive at the top I’m not really winded, I think adrenaline is taking over. I reach her apartment and knock till she opens it. Alice stands there just looking me up and down for a minute, at my sweats, my old Yale tee shirt, and my running shoes, Its not often she sees me in lazy clothes like this, not even when we were together. She comes to her senses and lets me in.

“Hey,” she moves out of the way and I walk in, “What’s wrong? Are you ok? Are you and Tina ok?”

She closes the door and follows me to the couch where I sit, she sits relatively close but only to comfort me, she starts to rub my back.

“I don’t know one minute I’m just staring at Tina, but not in a creepy way and then the next I say I love you,” I stare at Alice to gage her reaction, her eyes and mouth grow wide and she covers her mouth with her hand in shock.

“Holy fuck Porter, really? You haven’t even fucked her yet and—“

“How do you know me and Tina haven’t made love?” I challenge,

“It’s not a cause for concern, but you told her you loved her?” She still seemed surprised, “What happened after, did she say it back or?”

“I didn’t really give her the chance… I mean I sort of did but then I said I had to leave,” I put my face in my hands and breathe out a sigh of frustration

“Bette you should have stayed, I mean I am shocked so obviously Tina would be,”

“I know I just panicked, I’ve never been in love with anybody before, no offense Alice, but with Tina it was so easy to fall in love with her. She’s just so fucking amazing that every time I look at her or I am around her I fall in love with her a bit more,”

“You got it bad,”

I turn to Alice with tears in my eyes; I couldn’t help it, “What if she doesn’t love me back Alice?” I reach for her and she opens her arms to give me a hug, she rubs my back to calm me down, but it’s not working, I start to cry.