Then a whimper brought me back, the voices in my head forgotten I tried talking to her.

"I’m… I’m so… so sorry… it wasn’t m… I didn’t mea…" I didn’t know what to say I tried getting close to her but she panicked and backed away.

"I won’t hurt you, I won’t hurt you anymore I swear I want to help you please let me dress you…" I bugged and as I approached her again she didn’t back away this time. I carried her to the bathroom and started treating her wounds, wounds that I caused…

I was crying the whole time.

"I’ll go… after I’ll make sure you are alright I’ll go and never come back I’ll never go near anyone ever again… I can’t let this happen again! I’m a monster…" I said as I put her on the bed she wasn’t shaking as much but she didn’t say a word to me nor was she looking at me. I missed her eyes… her smile…

"Lucy I’m so sorry… so very sorry…" I cried next to her.

After a day I was gone, not saying a word, not looking back. I called an ambulance and left.  If I only had the courage to press down that razor I found in her bathroom cabinet… but I didn’t, I was a coward…  

As I was roaming the streets I thought back to our time together.

After all the drugs were out of my system I wanted to leave, I know now I should have left… but she said I could stay for awhile, try to get a job maybe and after one look onto her smiling face, I agreed. It seemed the voices and panic attacks were fading as I spent time with her… somewhere inside me I knew it won’t last.

Our days were spent quietly, she worked every morning in the diner she even got me a job there as a dishwasher. At the evenings we’d talk and drink tea she used to tell me about her childhood and I liked it that she didn’t push me for information about my life. It took me three weeks to tell her my name and after about two month I finally got I could trust her. I felt somehow safe again. I kept having nightmares though, she would ask me about them in the morning but I didn’t tell her… she had ghosts of her own I could tell…