“I told Alyssa I was falling apart. I told her I really needed her help. She told me to get over it. She wouldn’t even talk to me about it. She was such an excellent liar; nothing she said anymore was ever true. They were my only so called friends, and I had no one else to turn to. They didn’t care about what happened to me anymore. They had no problem disregarding me, and ditching me if I didn‘t want to do it that day. I was so messed up, and the thoughts started overloading and becoming dangerous. One night I completely snapped. I just couldn’t deal with anything or anyone anymore. I was so sick of no one caring; I was sick of being a screw up! That night I went home alone. I didn’t leave a note. I figured no one would care anyways if I succeeded. I told myself I was doing humanity a favor. I took a handful of ibuprofen and slit my left arm all the way across my wrist,” I said dying out near the end of the sentence. I remembered it just like it was yesterday. The pain, the anger, the rationality, it all hurt so much. Memories ripped me apart as the image replayed in my head.

I can’t believe Alyssa, or the rest of them. None of them actually ever cared. This whole friendship was just a game. What the hell is going on? I parked my car and ran into my house. “Dad!” I screamed tears streaming down my face uncontrollably. I ran to the window and looked out to find his car was gone. “Glen!” I yelled. No answer, he wasn’t home either. Thoughts crashed into my brain paralyzing my rationality. I could feel my emotions taking hold, but I couldn’t stop them. They were going to win. The room started spinning I was losing it. “Hold it together Spencer, hold it together,” I told myself. “Don’t fall apart, because nobody cares. Nobody could careless,” I repeated to myself over and over. “God if you want me to live help me!” I screamed through the empty house. I looked around. Nothing changed. Not the constant vibrations of the house, not the sounds, not the smells, nothing fucking changed. Everything’s the same as it was before. This really was the end and the worst part about it, was no matter how I changed the scene, I knew what had to be done. Running down the hall, my mind was spinning so fast that running was becoming a problem. I didn’t even know where I was going until I found myself in the bathroom. My mind had unconsciously brought me to its final destination. Starring at the person in the mirror, I couldn’t figure out who the hell was starring back at me. My blue eyes had faded to a dull gray. Everything just seems so pointless and meaningless. Nothing matters anymore. Nobody cares, nobody cares. Nobody fucking cares. My dad hates me. My mom left because of me. I have no future. She doesn’t even love me back… I could feel myself choking on my thoughts, but the last one had the biggest impact. Looking around I caught sight of the bottle of ibuprofen. Before I even let myself think about it, I took a handful of ibuprofen and downed it. I quickly followed it with the rest of the bottle. The adrenaline was running on high, and my plans were becoming drastic. I can’t think. I can’t breathe. I don’t want to do this anymore I told myself. I’m so sick of everything hurting. Reaching into the drawer I pulled out my blade. I let out a sob. Why can’t I put any of this together? “God if you want me to live send me a sign, a little help. I’m dying here,” I pleaded with my ceiling. Pushing it against my wrist, I watched the blade as it opened up the vein tearing it apart. The blood came out first in drops, but soon the drops grew until I could visibly see it sliding down my hang. I could feel the pain eating away at my flesh, but I didn’t relinquish my grip. Either my pain tolerance was kicking in, or maybe it was the adrenaline rush that was keeping me from faltering. Maybe it was the heat of the moment, or just out of pure desperation. I could feel memories of disappoint and let downs clouded my brain. I could hear Alyssa screaming at me in my mind. I saw my mother walking out the door, my father telling me this was all my fault. I pushed harder and harder fighting through the tears and the pain. I just wanted this all to stop. I don’t want to be this person. I don’t want to be me! Everything stopped spinning, and I watched my life fade away…