“Yeah, but I’m sure not everybody’s is as screwed up as mine.” I choked out. There was a slight pause. I could tell she were trying to think of something comforting to say, but right now I really need reassurance that my past wasn’t about to repeat itself. “I’m really sorry if I’ve just freaked you out, and to be honest I wouldn’t blame you if you left me. I’d leave myself too.” My insecurities were coming into play now. I pulled my arm away and pushed down my sleeve. I felt so bare. Everything was on the table. There wasn’t anymore lies to give. I was naked.

Quickly I backed up enough so there was no more contact. I was secluding myself again. But it was the one true thing I was good at. It was the only way I knew how to protect myself anymore.

“Spencer…for the last couple of months you‘ve been my best friend, and my girlfriend. I’ve never thought about ditching you before, and I never would now. You’re everything to me, and unlike Alyssa I’m not lying to you,” Ashley answered with clear sincerity. It almost made me feel guilty for doubting her, but it felt so good to hear. “I wouldn’t have asked you to hang out with me if I hadn’t wanted to, but there was something about you. I felt it right away. I wanted to constantly be around you then, and that hasn’t changed. The only thing that’s changed is you, but for the better.”

“You’re not like them. You’re better than they are. You just haven’t let yourself except that yet,” Ashley added. “You need to realize you’re a different person. Your honest, you care, you work hard, you’re a lot of fun to be around, and your sure as hell not screwed up.”

“I just want everything to be ok,” I sighed.

“I’m always going to be here for you Spencer…whether you like it or not,” Ashley reassured me. I smiled. I watched a big grin grow on Ashley’s face.

“You want to know who carried you out of the club and to my car?” Ashley asked sounding mischievous.

“I’m scared,” I replied. “Who?”

“After I got off the phone with you, I didn‘t know what to expect,” Ashley began. “So I called Aiden to come with.” I shook my head in disbelief. He actually did something nice? “Yeah, I think Jeremy might have trouble walking for the next couple of months though. Aiden kind of beat the shit out of him.”

“Seriously?” I asked in disbelief.

“Yeah, I didn‘t know who else to call. But when I asked him to come he didn‘t even give it another second thought.” She seemed to be slightly amazed too.

“You should have seen him knock the kid right on his ass. He had like this mad cow disease gleam in his eye,” Ashley joked.

“Wow, I didn‘t see that one coming,” I answered. I watched Ashley’s face take a turn back to serious, as if we haven’t had enough of that for one day.

“Your staying right?” Ashley asked biting her bottom lip.

“I, I don‘t want to lose you Spence. But just know that in the end it is up to you, and whatever makes you happy I’ll support you,” Ashley smiled weakly. I could see her eyes didn’t reflect her smile. They were the exact opposite.

I paused to think of the perfect way to phrase it.

“Ash,” I exhaled picking up her hand and placing a soft kiss on her palm. “I love you, and I don’t think I could leave you if I tried.” Her eyes grew with anticipation. “I’m staying.”

“Thank God!” she replied. “Because I wasn’t going to let you go anyways.” She wrapped her arms back around me again and didn‘t let go. She had a death grip on me, crushing my lungs.

“Ash, babe I can’t breath…”