I don’t know… she clings to me like she doesn’t want to let me go. I hold her as we lay in her bed…I want to think of something other than this. Of something other than death, other than time. I want to think of us together… I want to think that maybe I’ll be with her again. That maybe our time together isn’t over.

She falls asleep with her head on my shoulder…her hand on my stomach. Her curls her fingers slightly grabbing my shirt…her eyes moving rapidly under her closed lids. She looks afraid… like a little child lost. All I can think to do is stroke her hair… kiss her forehead. And let her sleep… let her forget.

She’ll never forget Shane…they’ll never forget. That’s the thing; you want meaning in your life. All that matters when you leave are the things you leave behind…the people you leave behind. The things you’ve done all add up to that Shane.

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2 months, 11 days, 13 hours and…tick tock. Today is the day Shane…today is when it all ends.

She smiles more now… she’s sad and she doesn’t try to hide it anymore. She waits each day for me… she watches every move, staring when she thinks I’m not looking. She doesn’t know that I watch her too… that I’m trying to memorize everything about her.

It’s all I’ve been doing for these two months…I’ve been trying to memorize them. Trying to live… they have accepted it. They laugh, smile, and talk like it’s any other day. I know they are waiting for it…so am I. every morning I wake up thinking that today may be the day. I wake up with her next to me… with her whispering in my ear. Her touch, her hot breath on my skin…we do what we do best every morning.

“What are you staring at?” she moves a strand of hair out of my eyes as we walk. “Really what?”

Can you feel it begin to happen Shane? It’ll be slow… you can say what you want to say. I promise you enough time for that.  

"I love you…I want you to know that.” she has this confused look in her eyes…I promised I wouldn’t say good bye so I won’t. I just hope we get there in time… so I can say good bye to them.