Love Revisited – Coming Home Part 4

Previously… Houston, we have liftoff – skyrockets in flight. We’re both hurtling through space and time. She, my Bette, is the wind beneath my wings, guiding us both as we spiral and speed through the galaxies. And there it isas we stop and hold tightly onto one another amid an exploding meteor shower of light and drifting stars. We’re gazing into one another’s eyes and both see it – a brief moment in time when our souls touch and we become one. "I’ve missed you – I’ve missed us so much," she murmurs. An act of Providence joined us 8 years ago. Today Providence visited us again. 

We just stare at one another, both savoring the last moments of mutual climax – mind blowing, earth shattering mutual climax may I say.

"T?"

"Umm, what, baby?"

"I have to.go. I have an appointment with the therapist. This working on me is a work in progress and I’ve made a promise to see it through, not to cancel appointments."

My fingers trace her mouth. I gently kiss her lips, then each of her eyelids. Neither of us wants this to end but we know it must. We have so much ahead of us and yet in many ways so much has been laid to rest these past few hours. Six months ago I couldn’t be in the same room with Bette. I was consumed with my anger and pain. Today I am consumed with hope – not false hope either – it is a feeling of hope borne of honesty and openness. If someone had told me I’d be feeling this way today – that I would have shared several hours of amazing lovemaking with Bette – I would have probably spat my words of denial at them. Time and change have a wonderful way of making a mockery of your once seemingly immutable opinions. Life always finds the time to smack a smartass upside the head.

"I know, babe, I know. I am so proud of you."

"I’m doing it for me, to bring back the parts of me I’ve lost throughout the years. It’s a scary process. Slowly but surely the doors are opening and I’m beginning to discern from this wreckage called my life the trash that needs to be taken to the curb and the happiness and inner peace that deserve permanent residence. In addition, I’m doing this because I want you to see that Im trying to change; I know I need to change in order to bring you home again. I don’t deserve you, T, but I know I am totally lost without you by my side. I’m an ***** who risked everything and broke the most precious thing to me – our love. Yeah, yeah, I know I’ve got to work on forgiving myself…give me time, k?"