She had told me I needed to come to terms with myself, but I didn’t know where to start. Okay, I knew where to start. Fiona. But how? I was completely alone and I couldn’t figure it all out by myself. I was still wondering about this one big question she had left me with and I felt that only she could give me the answer. There were possible answers, but I needed certainty.

The thing about it was that it was so contradictory. She was strong, independent, didn’t need anybody. She could perfectly take care of herself. But she always wanted me to stay with her, to be with her. She was so anxious when I headed home. She seemed to think I wasn’t going to come back.

Why? Why did she want me to stay with her? I just couldn’t imagine the only reason: that she was afraid to be alone, that she was afraid to be loved by nobody. Maybe she thought that if she pretended to need me, I would automatically need her. And boy, did I need her. But did she pretend? Or not?

_ _

Tina Kennard narrative

“Hey, Shane,” I said. I let her in and Shane looked around. She had never been at my place before. She had picked my up millions of times, but she had never seen it on the inside.

“Looks fancy,” Shane said.

“Come in.”

My parents were on a weekend to Palm Springs to celebrate their 20th wedding anniversary. I had invited Shane to come over. I knew she liked being away from her place every once and a while and this was the perfect occasion to thank her for all she had done for me recently. She was the only one who knew how I truly felt about Bette Porter. I had invited Dana over too, but she would only be there an hour later. We were going to have a fun girl’s night in. On Saturday we would go to a party I was invited on. I could bring as many friends as I wanted.

“Do you want to drink something?”

“Got a beer?”

“Sure. Make yourself at home.”

I got to the kitchen and took two beers. When I got back, Shane had taken my advice and took a comfortable pose in the sofa. I handed her the beer and she grinned.