Chapter Twelve

Tina Kennard narrative

I felt really bad doing it, especially since deep in my heart, I didn’t want it. But I had to. It was clear that Bette had so many things that she hadn’t come to terms with and that way we would never be able to have something like a relationship.

She would always let me in, tell me about herself, and than suddenly close down. I couldn’t stand her changing moods and her changing behaviour anymore. I had to make her clear I was not just some toy she got out of the closet, and that I was not planning to wait around for her.

The first thing she had to do was end it with Billy. I knew she didn’t feel good in their relationship. The guilt was eating her up inside, but she didn’t want to end it. I gave her thousands of ways to do it, explain it, and she always said that she’d do it. When I met her next time, I could see on her face if she had done it or not. And she hadn’t.

So I had to do it the hard way. I had to break her trust of a couple of seconds and I really wanted to slap myself for hurting her, but I had no choice. I really hadn’t.

It was hard at school. Everyone of course knew that Billy’s Girl wasn’t Billy’s Girl anymore. Most girls were treating Bette really badly, being mean and spreading rumours about her. Billy was on limits and he had to throw the girls off himself. He hated that, he was really sad and you had to be blind not to see how hurt he was.

I felt responsible for it somehow. If I hadn’t told Bette to proove that she loved me by breaking up with him, there was no way she would’ve done it.
I tried staying away from her, meeting her as less as possible. In History classes, I took a seat next to Jared who was very pleased with that.

Jared was a nice guy and I guess he was hot if you’re into guys. There were girls around who didn’t understand why I didn’t just jump on him and thank him that he even looked at me. I wouldn’t do that for anybody, really.