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Bette’s Dilemma- Sins of the Past
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How I managed to keep my grades up for my final year I have no idea T. Those months are a blur of bars, clubs alcohol and drugs and women–many women T. So many I couldn’t even give you a number."
At this last statement Bette paused for breath surprised that she seemed to talk thus far without stopping for a breath. Talking about this was like pouring molten metal onto her skin. Don’t look at her eyes Porter. If you do you won’t finish and this isn’t even the worst of it yet Bette told herself.
"The more dangerous it was the better became my motto. I guess I figured that no matter what I did it would never be good enough for Daddy again so I might as well fuck it up but good. A modified version of the remnants of that state of mind you saw first hand."
Tina sat quietly listening to Bette as she spoke; trying to envision a younger Bette dealing with Melvin’s disapproval not of what she did but WHO she was. The pain of that time seemed to etch itself in tiny lines above Bette’s brows as she spoke about that time in her life. Tina so much wanted to reach out and enfold Bette in her arms–to try to ease some of the pain but she had promised Bette that she would not interrupt her. T struggled to imagine a Bette so out of control so unrestrained- so very different than the Bette she had lived with. Some of Alice’s early comments to Bette when they had first gotten together now made more sense. Alice had obviously known about Bette’s reputation. Then like a tiny piece of a wooden puzzle something clicked and slid into place inside of Tina’s mind and an understanding of how Bette could have been so susceptible to Candace began to take shape in Tina’s mind. It had seemed so out of character, so against everything she had come to trust and know about Bette. Bette had always seemed so moral, so in control and so outraged at those who were not. It had made the pain of her infidelity even worse. Foolishly she had assumed these qualities were an innate part of Bette and that she could never have been any other way. Looks like you put Bette on a few too many pedestals as well Kennard Tina chide herself.
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Wow. That’s heavy. I’m not sure how I feel about that.
WOW leesa excellent as always! what a freakin’ fantastic chapter…. incredible..:)
I strongly suggest you change the rating on this one. It is definitely past PG-13.
You have to follow up quickly w/another post to get this disgusting taste from my mouth. Very powerful.
I will I promise. Not a pleasant chapter but a necessary one, I am afraid. I will change thr rating though thanks
OMG, … and not meant in the typical Tibette way!! Leesa, you seriously had me on the edge of my seat! That chapter explains alot about Bette. You hit a homerun with this one!
Yikes, not what I expected. Difficult to read, so I can only imagine how difficult it was to write. Very griping. I’m curious about Tina’s response and hope she apprectiates Bette’s openess.
This chapter was filled with sadness and evoked the powerful feeling of a woman completely out of control. I truly hope that Tina can stand by Bette and realize that the past is what makes us the people we are today no matter how terrible it might be. Bette truly needs to forgive herself and find a way to move on in a healthy way.
Hello Leesa67, I must say that this latest chapter was so very intense, and for Bette to have to relive such an extremely volatile time in her past is such a strength of character for her. Her personality in the past would have lead her to take the easy way out, to run and hide but here she is bearing her soul to the woman she loves beyond anything. When it comes to Tina I think that she is going to really look at Bette in such a different way, not in the I can’t believe I am with this women, I can’t believe I fell in love with this women, but in the; I thought I new, I thought I realized who Bette is, but here and now I finally realize that after everything that we have been through, the pain we put onto each other, if she was willing to do something so devastating for the women she loved then, something that has scarred her for the rest of her life, what would she be willing to do for me, and more importantly what would she be willing to do for our daughter. I think this is the point in the merging of these two souls where the complete honest from one soul to the other has bonded them more permanently then they might ever have realized. I’m sorry for imposing on you, I would never try to dictate how a writer especially one as gifted as yourself would view there writing, but that is how I see this admission from Bette, the ultimate love for the ones she loves. Sincerely, JC
Such a great update. I can just imagine how hard the choice for Bette was. You’re self image is one of the most important aspects of who we are. It have to give that away for whatever reason is not easy to come back from. Thanks Leesa
Yep, I agree with Tina. She needs time to think about the bombshell Bette just laid on her. Hopefully, they can move past this together. PPS
You are so brave to go there with your story. It was certainly an uncomfortable chapter to read, but it very much explains the source of Bette’s extreme uncertainty about her relationship with Tina. Can’t wait to see Tina’s reaction.
Not only is this hard on Tina but Bette has to relive all of those horrible moments. I hope that Tina will find it in her heart to walk right back into that room and engulf Bette with the strongest hug she can give her. Then whisper in her ear that nothing changes, that she is still deeply in love with Bette.