I turn around quickly, planting my hands onto the porcelain as I heave into the toilet, crying along with each breath as I fall to the side of the bowl.

“Spencer…” I whisper, in hopes of her hearing my plea. I wipe my eyes and mouth with my shirt and slowly bring myself to a stand as I keep my balance from the wall. I have to get some sort of control. I have to see her and crying only stops me from my objective. Well that and the fact that she told me she wanted me out of her life. My head lowered as I remembered those heartbreaking words, glancing down at my foul appearance. I cross my arms down and pull off my shirt. Grabbing the hem of my boxers I slip out of them quickly.

I turn the knob on the shower to any degree and jump in wincing at the searing water as it hits my body. Though it burned all over I close my eyes as it soothes my aches. I want to just stay forever, but I can’t. I turn the knob off and hop out snatching a towel from the shelf. I rub the towel all over quickly, missing wet portions of my skin. I don’t care. I throw my hair up in a sloppy bun and run to my dresser, taking hold of whatever shirt is at the top. I throw it on. I open the drawer at the bottom and take out the blue jeans I’ve never worn. I slide on a pair of scandals nearby and run down the stairs mismatching in my attire.

As I make my way to the door I grab my cell and keys. Feeling obligated to just look into the living room, I turn around. I see Kyla sleeping heavily on the couch and I walk to her. I held my head as it continues to pulsate.

“Kyla…” I shook her a bit and she turned from the pillows quickly.

“Ash?” she sits up massaging her eyes, “are…you okay?”

Rhetorical as that question may be, I answer.

“Well, no…but I’m leaving…I’m going to go see Spencer…I’ll be back later” we whisper as if to wake a sleeping child.