Chapter 4- Message to Ashley

        I cannot believe I got the nerves to write her. She must think I am a weird. She must hate me. I can’t believe I told her that I was gay. Stupid Spencer, stupid, just so stupid. I just won’t think about it. Wait, I think I just got a response, my computer is blinking.

Hopefully-Waiting,

Thanks for writing. I really loved reading what you had to say. I know exactly what you mean about people not liking you because you are the way you are. I like girls and I am proud of it so fuck everyone else. Sorry about the language, but people can be asses sometimes. Sorry again. I would love to make a friend as well. I am not suppose to say this on here, but fuck who cares. I live in the California area, (If you are crazy I will kill you), now back to what I was saying. I live in the California area and I know people hear are suppose to party all the time, but I never get the chance to or even want to because my life is so much better if I just leave the drama alone. Cause it is so like the drama here. But anyway I got to go order dinner for me and my little sister.

Signed- Can she be the One.

Oh my gosh oh my gosh. She wants to be my friend. She is gay! This is so great. I have to write her back.

Can she be the One?

Thank you so much for writing back. I thought you would think I was crazy or weird because I was gay, then I find out you are gay. This is great. I’m not weird all by myself anymore. Oh, not that you are weird for being gay. I’m not weird either. I’ll just stop with that there because I am confusing myself. But I really want to get to know you and I want you to get to know me so here goes nothing.

            Well I also live in the California area (I know you are not crazy because you told me where you live). I just moved here a couple of months ago. I do not like it at all. I miss my hometown. I had friends there and I had a love there. She was my first love and my mom made us move because of a stupid job. Speaking of my mom just let me tell you when I first came out she did not like it one bit. She told me I was going to hell. She even walked in on my girlfriend and I having sex and dragged my girlfriend out of the house by her hair and told me that I disgust her. She did not stop there she then called in some doctor to deprogram my gayness. I went has far as running away with my girlfriend to get away from it all. When I finally returned home things slowly got better and I have my brother and dad to thank for that. My dad has always been supportive of my decisions and understood that me being gay did not mean that I was no longer myself. He got my mom to slowly change and now I can even say me and my mom are friends again. She loves me again and my life is so much better. But, now that I am in LA I don’t have my girlfriend anymore to depend on. We broke up a week before I left because she did not feel that a long distance relationship would work because we were so young. She really was saying that she was a horny bitch and could not go a day without sex let alone a year. Whatever, I don’t need her. I thought she loved me she stayed there throughout all my crap with my mother and when things change just a little bit for her, she walks out. I hate her, but I love her. She was my first love, she was my first time, she was my first fight, and she was my first. But when I think about it, I didn’t really fight for us because it was never that mind blowing love that I dreamed about, that love that people say only exists in the storybooks. But, one day I will find that type of love.