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Where You Go There You Are
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Angie’s bluntness surprised Bette if she wasn’t sitting down she might have fallen back. “Is that what this has been all about? You being here right now? Your color?”
“Something bad happened that created me and my Mom is too good of a person to put the blame on me. Instead she just won’t talk about it.”
Bette’s mind froze as the implication of Angelica’s words settled in. “How could she feel that something bad has happened? What twist of fate would bring her face to face now just so I could tell her the something bad was sitting in front of her? It’s not about her, how could Angelica think it was about her?” Bette wanted to scream out but what? What did she want to scream? ‘This isn’t fair? Life isn’t fair! OH God when will this chain of events come to an end? How could the biggest mistake of her life keep coming back to hurt so bad? Not only had she hurt the people she loves, all of them, she even hurt the ones she didn’t even know about.’ All of these tortured thoughts rushed in at once overwhelming Bette’s mind and sinking the feeling of hope and promise that had dominated her being moments ago.
Realizing she needed to say something, Bette opened her mouth, but nothing came. Any rational response she might have was lost to her. She was unwillingly taken back to that moment, the moment when Tina confronted her about her infidelity in their bedroom. She saw it again in her mind. It had been a raw and violent last encounter. The last time they were intimate and the memory of the event still burns her. That had been her last hope of holding onto Tina. Soon after she was gone, taking with her any fight that Bette could muster. Could it be, this betrayal she showed Tina, was that unspeakable event that had scarred Tina. Scarred her enough to leave her daughter doubting, doubting herself, her place and her mother? For the longest time Bette sat stunned, an expression of panic settling on her being. ‘Oh God what have I done?’
Angelica sat and watched Bette in a strange quasi-detached state. All her energy spent after making her last confession. This question of her origins had been something that she had lived with for as long as she can remember. Her mother’s repeated evasion whenever she brought up the subject had led Angelica to the deduction that something traumatic had happened to her mother. It was the only conclusion that made any sense of her rabid avoidance. Angelica believed she had hit on the reason, her Mother had been raped. It would explain everything, why she could never talk about it, why Angelica was different then her mother and why her mother wanted to wait until Angelica was older. Learning you are the result of such a violent act is something left for when you’re older.
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unfortunately the world is cruel and even though we have come along way skin color is still a very big issue. Hopefully Bette can help her sort it out.
Jennifer Beals said @ L5 that while growing up, she often felt “less than” or “other” not being black or white. Maybe that’s why she campaigned for Obama. She sees herself in him. Can you imagine this beautiful, talented, intelligent young girl felt so inadequate? What a tragedy. PPVS.
My kids are biracial. My 5 year-old daughter has beautiful big brown eyes, and pretty brown curls, people are always commenting on how pretty and exotic her looks are, but she always says she wants straight,blond hair and blue eyes. It makes me so sad when she says it, and I have no idea where it comes from, I guess the media and school. I hope Bette can share her experience of being “other” with Angie, and hopefully it will help. I love this story, PPS.
How many PURE whites do we know.? My Dad can off a reservation in Okla. My Mother was German Blond,blue eye and milky skin. Dad was dark skin,black eyes and black hair. We all turned out different I love who I am. Bette has been there and if anyone can help Angie is Bette. If Angie knew the love that was ther with her Mom and Bette.She would know it wasnt bad,It was the person that was the one that was inadequate. So let hope Bette can get Tina to talk with Angie in Bette present thanks
i’m so glad bette can be there for angelica because she herself went through this
im always amazed but then not what goes on in kids minds. i married a mexican/german. i 2 have light kids 2 darker kids. my daughter (3 sons) was the only one that had ‘things’ said about her. but we live in a place where everyone whos important, ‘normal’ are white. very interesting development. thx
WOW!!! I am glad Bette got Angie to open up. Now maybe both Bette and Tina can help Angie. Thanks
Bette and Tina need to talk and help Angie out !
I bet if we all knew exactly who all our ancestors were we’d all be in for a surprise here and there, especially, but not exclusively those of us in the “New World”. Like bettyv, there is some Native American in my family, though no one every seemed to think we were anything but white (not unusual not only among Hispanics but among descendants of older Anglo and French immigrants), so I never had those moments Angelica and Bette faced. When the scientists announced a few years ago that DNA confirmed we were all one big dysfunctional family, I went “Thanks, tell me something I don’t know” I’d hoped by the time this story is set it wouldn’t be anything for anyone to make a big deal over other than to know where one came from.
Wow, that was intense. I never thought what a child may think; how they arrive at truths. We know how Tina beget Angelica, but I guess she did not know and to logic that a bad thing happened, and that bad thing must be rape…just intense! She’s too smart! I love how she defend her mother’s love for her; and my heart tears for her feeling unworthy. Great story; please post soon. Can’t wait for the ‘reunion’. Thanks for sharing.
Kids can be cruel but mostly they get this kind of thinginkg from there parents it doesnt matter what the difrence is.I have a ahnducap son and well the comments are mostly the same isnt it sad that we live in such a modern world but some people are still have the”Old Thoughts” in there Head…Its the Color of your Skin,your Sexual Orientation or…or..or its Time to grow…Or Not
Such powerful words, perfectly written. My blonde-haired, blue-eyed, fair-skinned sister has felt hurt and infuriated over the years by ignorant strangers that assume her oldest daughter is adopted because she has brown eyes, dark hair and beautiful olive skin. My sister’s husband is of Italian/ Greek decent. My heart goes out to Bette having to explain this on her own.
another powerful chapter! kids can really be cruel sometimes. i have faith that both tina and bette will be able to make angelica see that she was a product of a great love and not of something bad.
Now we’re getting to the crux of the matter where Bette can be of extreme importance in the way Angelica feels about herself. But first we must get Tina to them. Now I won’t go any further Jwet. lol Great chapter. PPS
Both Bette and Tina have done a disservice to Angelica. Tina for not being up front with her and Bette for setting this disaster in motion.