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The Fugue of White Noise – Tina Kennard L Word
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Bette’s House Late Afternoon –Bette
For the loving hell of it I decide while I’m prostrate inside my front door kissing my fucking floor to do twenty push ups to get my blood moving and feeling at home again. I did find stillness in myself at times while I was away. I’m glad that I went especially now that I’ve finished my push ups and am lying down taking in my art collection, my books, my things, my home.
It is my goddamn home and it pisses me off that my family is not here with me. But I’m truly sick of arguing about it and my lesson away was all anyone can do is to just be with the pain. There’s freedom but it’s mostly fleeting, there is lack of desire but it’s temporary, and there are voices that are your friends and rat voices that chew away at your mind. I will continue to be mindful and I also want a drink.
Tina should be here soon and I must give her the letter I accidently opened from Virginia. What I’m undecided about is if we’ll talk about it or even if I should try at this point. She was so young when this all happened. What does she even know or want to understand about the man her testimony helped put away when she was fifteen?
Barbara had come through with Allsweld’s dossier, the police report, and the summary of his trial as well. What I pieced together is when Tina’s father was running for re-election one year as a family along with one of her older cousins, Lucy, she had attended a Virginia state fair. I imagine the teenagers going their separate ways toward the rides and the carnival and her mother and politician father continuing to shake hands for votes while their daughter drew herself closer and closer to very real danger, Allsweld.
His rap sheet had all the telltale signs that he was a sexual predator. When I had seen that my mind had flooded red with murder but as I had read on it appeared that Tina had not been raped by him but was there when he had brutalized her cousin, seventeen year old, Lucy Kennard. No doubt in my mind the one whose attention had grabbed Allsweld or he would have raped instead, Lucy’s much younger cousin, Tina. But I couldn’t give Lucy a call to discover more even if I had wanted to. She had died days after the attack never regaining consciousness and so it had been left to Tina to ultimately put Allsweld away during his trial.
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wow that was quick
This is getting so sad. The dissolution of a marriage, Dana’s death. Just life. No one is immune from the vagaries of life. Would they have split even if Bette hadn’t strayed? Too much effort to keep it going? But Tina, seriously, Henry? I guess she wanted to be totally in control.
Ouch! The ending broke my heart.
See? This is how the show should have been. I mean, as much as I hated it, I would probably love it more if they added some scenes (like yours). The plots were good… but there weren’t so many ‘key moments’ to explain the choices the characters made. Especially Tina’s… that was something that almost led me to throw my tv out of the window. No explanations, nothing. They wasted lots of good opportunities.
Thanks for this chapter! I love your ‘love scenes’, as you already know. They’re amazing and full of emotions.
This was the third season for the part of what I hated :-)
as Tina told her, Dana’s death: was cruel and insensitive!
I always thought that Tina has not forgiven, fraud, and I think probably not forgiven in herself, having fallen in love with Bette.
Tina blamed her because she lost her family, lost her acceptance of society, and exposed herself to the prejudices. .and that postpartum depression can be helped this (I think that’s the reason for Henry and not forgiveness toward Bette)
but it was a really beautiful moment, the flashback!
Wow! What emerged from the file that was sent to the senator?
I can’t wait to the next chapter.
Yes, Ms. BB, I did love the Wales flashback. It’s as if Tina is taking stock of their past history. Sort of mentally weighing the pros and cons of breaking up vs. staying together or trying to resurrect their marriage. Sometimes, one gets weary. Bette is an exciting person to be with, a force of nature. She leaves one breathless but such high maintenance. Yikes! A manic relationship. I didn’t think Bette was too controlling but sometimes thoughtless. For all her bravado, she didn’t stick up for Tina when Melvin had dinner w/them. Still a little girl when it came time to deal w/dear, old Daddy dearest. Maybe you can repair Humpty Dumpty????
I have to agree w/BetteOPorter. Lost plot lines, gaps in the storyline, explanations missing. Use your imagination, girls. Scenes between Tina and Bette were too short and often “an enigma wrapped in a riddle”. Many WTF moments. It’s too bad b/c the show could have gone on for 2+ years. But IC wanted to do a spinoff w/Alice’s character in prison. So DUMB!!!! A blind squirrel could see that would never make it. And nothing of consequence has taken its place. Thank goodness for fanfic and fanfic writers and this wonderful site (thank you, Jacky). So, thank you everybody.
Thanks for the update but it was sad.
You are an excellent marksman when it comes to matters of the heart. You’ve done another incredible chapter into the depth of this intense relationship between our two alpha women. Seems life is a roller coaster of intensities and stillness. Tina’s life has had many intensities but yet she has found those moments of stillness to breathe and center herself. She had found a moment to just be in pause to see her life in a different way.
Bette’s life is one intensity followed by another until the stillness starts to gain momentum and increases in length and loudness. It’s only taken the loss of her son, an affair and her breakup with her soul mate for her to figure out that there needs to be more moments of stillness, to breathe, to observe and to understand another way to be. Surely her narcissism, anger and arrogance have been shifted enough to see that those reactions to life don’t fit her anymore. It’s created too much loss for her heart and eventually her soul…
And now another loss….. Dana. So unexpected for those not paying attention. Dana added so much quiet brilliance as she made her way into this family of friends. She mattered in ways that they are only beginning to understand. She will be missed deeply by so many…
Thank you Blackbird for amazing me again, (Selfishly) Now where’s the next chapter, lol?!
Omg…Tina almost got raped?! …………and the saddest news ever….”Bette, Dana died two hours ago”…. :(((
Thanks Blackbird for giving us a happy memory when Bette and Tina were in love in S3. I really hope Tina won’t get angry with Bette by opening her letter by mistake. Anything is possible with crazy S3 Tina. Please let her talk to Bette about the attempted rape and let Bette comfort her.
Dana dying left a whole in my heart that I never rewatch the episode since I first seen it and I never will
“Dana died …” The words that,for me, were the death of the Show. You have written your usual great chapter but I still have an ache in my heart.