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The Fugue of White Noise – Tina Kennard L Word
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“Sounds promising though, or no?”
“Well since she just promised her and her boy friend filmmaker partner,” I emphasize, “a $100,000 I think it is a bit unethical, don’t you?”
“Helena’s great, but she truly missed out on a few of the building blocks of relationships, didn’t she?” Alice hands me the lotion to do Dana’s other arm. I smell Wales again and it makes me sadder as I touch arms wasting away.
“I mean, did you ever feel bought when she focused in on you?” Alice asked.
“In the end yes, she was trying, but by then I’d decided it was over for other reasons, too.” I tell Alice remembering Helene’s invasiveness completely different from what I liked. But bought by Bette? I wonder about.
As I had told Joyce over and over again to her astonishment until very recently, and the split up over Candace began it, I had never thought much about money. I made it. She made more. If I had wanted to buy something really expensive of course we talked about it. Bought though, how crass. No, we didn’t have a money thing, or a sharing about anything material.
I didn’t give her very much trouble about it because I was perfectly capable of amusing myself, but I did find her self absorption annoying at times, really rather unbelievable if I tell the truth. But narcissism and money, now that I have a good job again are feeling less and less like the issues that broke us apart. What is left is my unwillingness to try again.
Maybe I am a fucking coward, I know Bette thinks I am. But for now I only want to feel safe, no roller coasters, no drama, just the white noise of life, and a break from her emotions and mine. It seems so ridiculous now because in three hours I know I will hold her and we will cry together about Dana. We’ll talk about our child together and around me as we worry about our friends and discuss our family will be the walls and objects and doors and bedrooms of the place I still partially feel is home.
It’s time to go meet Henry downstairs. I kiss Dana’s forehead, I look sadly at Alice and I’m gone.
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wow that was quick
This is getting so sad. The dissolution of a marriage, Dana’s death. Just life. No one is immune from the vagaries of life. Would they have split even if Bette hadn’t strayed? Too much effort to keep it going? But Tina, seriously, Henry? I guess she wanted to be totally in control.
Ouch! The ending broke my heart.
See? This is how the show should have been. I mean, as much as I hated it, I would probably love it more if they added some scenes (like yours). The plots were good… but there weren’t so many ‘key moments’ to explain the choices the characters made. Especially Tina’s… that was something that almost led me to throw my tv out of the window. No explanations, nothing. They wasted lots of good opportunities.
Thanks for this chapter! I love your ‘love scenes’, as you already know. They’re amazing and full of emotions.
This was the third season for the part of what I hated :-)
as Tina told her, Dana’s death: was cruel and insensitive!
I always thought that Tina has not forgiven, fraud, and I think probably not forgiven in herself, having fallen in love with Bette.
Tina blamed her because she lost her family, lost her acceptance of society, and exposed herself to the prejudices. .and that postpartum depression can be helped this (I think that’s the reason for Henry and not forgiveness toward Bette)
but it was a really beautiful moment, the flashback!
Wow! What emerged from the file that was sent to the senator?
I can’t wait to the next chapter.
Yes, Ms. BB, I did love the Wales flashback. It’s as if Tina is taking stock of their past history. Sort of mentally weighing the pros and cons of breaking up vs. staying together or trying to resurrect their marriage. Sometimes, one gets weary. Bette is an exciting person to be with, a force of nature. She leaves one breathless but such high maintenance. Yikes! A manic relationship. I didn’t think Bette was too controlling but sometimes thoughtless. For all her bravado, she didn’t stick up for Tina when Melvin had dinner w/them. Still a little girl when it came time to deal w/dear, old Daddy dearest. Maybe you can repair Humpty Dumpty????
I have to agree w/BetteOPorter. Lost plot lines, gaps in the storyline, explanations missing. Use your imagination, girls. Scenes between Tina and Bette were too short and often “an enigma wrapped in a riddle”. Many WTF moments. It’s too bad b/c the show could have gone on for 2+ years. But IC wanted to do a spinoff w/Alice’s character in prison. So DUMB!!!! A blind squirrel could see that would never make it. And nothing of consequence has taken its place. Thank goodness for fanfic and fanfic writers and this wonderful site (thank you, Jacky). So, thank you everybody.
Thanks for the update but it was sad.
You are an excellent marksman when it comes to matters of the heart. You’ve done another incredible chapter into the depth of this intense relationship between our two alpha women. Seems life is a roller coaster of intensities and stillness. Tina’s life has had many intensities but yet she has found those moments of stillness to breathe and center herself. She had found a moment to just be in pause to see her life in a different way.
Bette’s life is one intensity followed by another until the stillness starts to gain momentum and increases in length and loudness. It’s only taken the loss of her son, an affair and her breakup with her soul mate for her to figure out that there needs to be more moments of stillness, to breathe, to observe and to understand another way to be. Surely her narcissism, anger and arrogance have been shifted enough to see that those reactions to life don’t fit her anymore. It’s created too much loss for her heart and eventually her soul…
And now another loss….. Dana. So unexpected for those not paying attention. Dana added so much quiet brilliance as she made her way into this family of friends. She mattered in ways that they are only beginning to understand. She will be missed deeply by so many…
Thank you Blackbird for amazing me again, (Selfishly) Now where’s the next chapter, lol?!
Omg…Tina almost got raped?! …………and the saddest news ever….”Bette, Dana died two hours ago”…. :(((
Thanks Blackbird for giving us a happy memory when Bette and Tina were in love in S3. I really hope Tina won’t get angry with Bette by opening her letter by mistake. Anything is possible with crazy S3 Tina. Please let her talk to Bette about the attempted rape and let Bette comfort her.
Dana dying left a whole in my heart that I never rewatch the episode since I first seen it and I never will
“Dana died …” The words that,for me, were the death of the Show. You have written your usual great chapter but I still have an ache in my heart.