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The Fugue of White Noise – Tina Kennard L Word
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Finally, and of course the lotion would be in the refrigerator where I have been finding all kinds of weird things lately. I need to pay attention more. I hope I don’t have a brain tumor. That would suck. I lock my door and leave for the hospital with the lotion in hand determined not to lose it a second time.
I should be the one to tell Bette later when I drop off Angelica. Absolutely, she should hear about Dana’s turn for the worse from me. I squeeze a nickel-sized dollop of lotion into my palm as I drive. The scent is so lovely, lavender, citrus and bergamot with just the perfect hint of that last earthy smell. The fragrance takes me back as I drive slowly through the traffic toward Cedar Sinai and Dana.
I remember my evening with Afanen and Cerridwyn who insisted they take us out after Bette single handedly funded their curative visit and pilgrimage. The women perfumed the air around them as they walked releasing the most amazing bouquets of fragrances that had saturated their skin from the essences they mixed daily. Bette and I had brought a bottle of Scotch back up to our hotel after dinner and had cracked ourselves up trying to describe with our very bad and drunk Welsh accents the phrases, “She exuded raspberries and tulips with a bite of musk.” That one was mine. I became obsessed with the word ”exuded” that night when Bette could not stop laughing that they were the best smelling lesbians on the planet and really should be featured as such in the guidebooks of Wales.
I had lured her to the British Isles by a promise that she could spend two days at the Tate and any other museums she wanted to in London before we left for my ancestral discoveries in Wales. My grandmother, whose long bloodlines were Welsh, had told me stories about fantastic medieval castles and ancient battles filled with romantic lore. With a hang over that was gone by noon Bette and I had headed off to Harlech Castle with Bette naturally behind the wheel.
When her intense personality dials her toward her best side she is amazingly thoughtful and romantic and her surprise for me became apparent after our long castle tour. I had wondered why she had booked this huge Range Rover instead of something more economical when we had landed at Heathrow.
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wow that was quick
This is getting so sad. The dissolution of a marriage, Dana’s death. Just life. No one is immune from the vagaries of life. Would they have split even if Bette hadn’t strayed? Too much effort to keep it going? But Tina, seriously, Henry? I guess she wanted to be totally in control.
Ouch! The ending broke my heart.
See? This is how the show should have been. I mean, as much as I hated it, I would probably love it more if they added some scenes (like yours). The plots were good… but there weren’t so many ‘key moments’ to explain the choices the characters made. Especially Tina’s… that was something that almost led me to throw my tv out of the window. No explanations, nothing. They wasted lots of good opportunities.
Thanks for this chapter! I love your ‘love scenes’, as you already know. They’re amazing and full of emotions.
This was the third season for the part of what I hated :-)
as Tina told her, Dana’s death: was cruel and insensitive!
I always thought that Tina has not forgiven, fraud, and I think probably not forgiven in herself, having fallen in love with Bette.
Tina blamed her because she lost her family, lost her acceptance of society, and exposed herself to the prejudices. .and that postpartum depression can be helped this (I think that’s the reason for Henry and not forgiveness toward Bette)
but it was a really beautiful moment, the flashback!
Wow! What emerged from the file that was sent to the senator?
I can’t wait to the next chapter.
Yes, Ms. BB, I did love the Wales flashback. It’s as if Tina is taking stock of their past history. Sort of mentally weighing the pros and cons of breaking up vs. staying together or trying to resurrect their marriage. Sometimes, one gets weary. Bette is an exciting person to be with, a force of nature. She leaves one breathless but such high maintenance. Yikes! A manic relationship. I didn’t think Bette was too controlling but sometimes thoughtless. For all her bravado, she didn’t stick up for Tina when Melvin had dinner w/them. Still a little girl when it came time to deal w/dear, old Daddy dearest. Maybe you can repair Humpty Dumpty????
I have to agree w/BetteOPorter. Lost plot lines, gaps in the storyline, explanations missing. Use your imagination, girls. Scenes between Tina and Bette were too short and often “an enigma wrapped in a riddle”. Many WTF moments. It’s too bad b/c the show could have gone on for 2+ years. But IC wanted to do a spinoff w/Alice’s character in prison. So DUMB!!!! A blind squirrel could see that would never make it. And nothing of consequence has taken its place. Thank goodness for fanfic and fanfic writers and this wonderful site (thank you, Jacky). So, thank you everybody.
Thanks for the update but it was sad.
You are an excellent marksman when it comes to matters of the heart. You’ve done another incredible chapter into the depth of this intense relationship between our two alpha women. Seems life is a roller coaster of intensities and stillness. Tina’s life has had many intensities but yet she has found those moments of stillness to breathe and center herself. She had found a moment to just be in pause to see her life in a different way.
Bette’s life is one intensity followed by another until the stillness starts to gain momentum and increases in length and loudness. It’s only taken the loss of her son, an affair and her breakup with her soul mate for her to figure out that there needs to be more moments of stillness, to breathe, to observe and to understand another way to be. Surely her narcissism, anger and arrogance have been shifted enough to see that those reactions to life don’t fit her anymore. It’s created too much loss for her heart and eventually her soul…
And now another loss….. Dana. So unexpected for those not paying attention. Dana added so much quiet brilliance as she made her way into this family of friends. She mattered in ways that they are only beginning to understand. She will be missed deeply by so many…
Thank you Blackbird for amazing me again, (Selfishly) Now where’s the next chapter, lol?!
Omg…Tina almost got raped?! …………and the saddest news ever….”Bette, Dana died two hours ago”…. :(((
Thanks Blackbird for giving us a happy memory when Bette and Tina were in love in S3. I really hope Tina won’t get angry with Bette by opening her letter by mistake. Anything is possible with crazy S3 Tina. Please let her talk to Bette about the attempted rape and let Bette comfort her.
Dana dying left a whole in my heart that I never rewatch the episode since I first seen it and I never will
“Dana died …” The words that,for me, were the death of the Show. You have written your usual great chapter but I still have an ache in my heart.