Fan Fiction
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The Newly Discovered SoCal Humminger Bette Porterius ~ Chapter Four
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“Don’t be,,,” Tina was distracted as she rushed to catch the glob of ketchup that had started to ooze from the side of the cheeseburger. She stared curiously at the burger, “I can never get the right placement of the ketchup. I know I’ve figured out the quantity. There must be an art to the placement.” She looked up at Bronwyn, “I put in the center, so it shouldn’t be slipping out of one side. It should be even all of the way around but…”
“Tina, stop talking about ketchup.”
“But don’t you think it’s interesting that…”
“No.”
“’No’ what?”
“I don’t think ketchup is interesting.”
“Okay, Eric won’t grumble about the next test screening.”
“What?”
“My quid pro quo for going to the opening.”
“That doesn’t seem like enough for going to an art gallery and making small talk with tedious snobs while you look at things a five year old could have drawn.”
Tina laughed. “You are a philistine, you know?” She took a large bite of her cheeseburger.
“And you aren’t?”
Tina quickened her chewing so that she could speak, “I actually did not hate it last night.”
“You’re kidding, right?”
“No, I’m not. Some of the stuff was strange, but even the strange stuff was kind of compelling.”
“Did Eric buy any of this compelling stuff?”
“He’s talking to the artist about sizing one to fit a wall in his place.”
“I didn’t think artists did that.”
“Me neither,” Tina shrugged. “I was so hungry that every time a waiter showed up with a tray of canapés I wanted him to tilt it so that I could shovel all of them into my mouth.”
“The snooty art connoisseurs would have been impressed.”
“They probably would have thought it was a performance piece.”
The friends laughed, coughing so they wouldn’t choke on their food.
“Were there any good looking guys? Straight?”
“I don’t know. I can never tell if someone is gay or straight. The gallery owner is gay,”
“Then most of the men there were probably his lovers.”
“The owner is a woman,” Tina smiled. “Bron, you can’t imagine how stunning she is.” Tina put her cheeseburger down on its wrapper and turned to her computer. “I’ll pull up the web page. Her picture must be there.”
“So that’s why Eric wanted to go to the opening.’
“Fuck. The internet access is down. Anyway, it’s The Bette Porter Gallery and she is beautiful..”
“Shit. Good thing for us she’s a lesbian.”
Tina nodded as she picked up her cheeseburger with one hand and grabbed a wad of fries with the other. She kept glancing at her screen, hoping access would be restored so that she could show the gallery owner to Bronwyn. “Next time, we should get some bacon from the cafeteria and add it ourselves.”
Bronwyn stared. ‘Tina, are you okay?”
“Sure.”
“You can tell me, you know.”
“Everything ‘s fine.”
“You’ve just never eaten so, uh,” Bronwyn searched for the word. “unheathily before.”
“I’m fine.”
“Are you pregnant?”
“WHAT! No. NO,” Tina’s eyes blazed. “Are you crazy?”
“Okay. Sorry. It’s just that it is so strange that you’re eating this way.”
“Since when does eating a cheeseburger and fries have to have a special significance beyond a food craving?”
Bronwyn raised her eyebrows at Tina.
“Fine, why does a non-pregnancy related food craving have to have a special meaning?”
“I guess it doesn’t. It’s still strange.”
Bronwyn’s question was a good question. If she had known about it, she probably would have asked Tina why, just before she left her condo, had booted up her lap top to look at the web site for the gallery she had visited the night before and had wound up 20 minutes late to the office. Tina wouldn’t have had an answer to that question either, but it would have been a good question.
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ketchup, spurting out the side of the cheeseburger, probably splashed on to her screen, covering up the fact that she had no wireless access. either that, or she should have blamed the squirrels.
oh, and i LOVE the story, and, obviously, am impatient for more.
Was all this to illustrate that Tina has lusty appetites, even for things she doesn’t usually crave?
Hi, dear sweet Spumoni! Ah, we apologize for the late arrival, but we’ve been busy with some important events. As for the story, so Tina has some Cheeseburger and bacon cravings, huh? Tasteful, indeed. Hmm That’s a way to cover up what is really eating you inside. *wink* Thanks for sharing this charming and different B&T beginning. We are enjoying it. PPS Hugs & kisses on both your cheeks. Lu & Marsh (Proud Salsa Aunties to the loving JC, Eunichick, ZLFAN, T_Daze, Melrose231 and Tias Adoradas to Patpez)
Makes me want to Google “Bette Porter Gallery” as well. BTW – I had black beans and rice for dinner. Doing the health thing. One would have thought Tina would have graved fish instead…I am so bad! Thanks!
Dammit, I live in the Midwest! No In-n-Out Burger for me! Glad Tina has a friend in this fic, and a life before Bette. Thanks!
Great update. You finally got Tina into the story – YAHOOOO!!! Thank you for this story. :)
Well Spumoni that chapter was teriffic and just enough to wet our appetite for a lot more. Well, I had a cheesburger and fries for dinner tonight…and I know just how Tina felt!
I heart Bronwyn! I love when she appears in your stories. But now you make me hungry and I JUST brushed my teeth… Oh, Spumogan. Thank you for the post. PPS!!!
Hmmm,getting very interesting. I love Tina pigging out on a burger and fries and thinking about bacon :)
your delay is forgiven because: a) you mentioned Tina and i know why she’s acting strange ;) b) you mentioned In-N-Out burger (yum) and c) you mentioned “inner carnivore” which i can’t ever tame in myself….so it’s a great chapter
Enter Ms Kennard… maybe it’s not just cheeseburgers she’s craving. Maybe all sorts of appetites have been awoken with the introduction of a certain gallery owner… Thanks for posting, Spumoni. :)
Fun and Fun-ny.
Oooh In-n Out (Guess what’s for lunch?). Hmmm what could Tina be doing with an image of BP that would make her 20 minutes late? I got an idea….
Cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger thanks for the update :)
YIPPEE!What great energy!I am loving cheeseburgers too – with no explanation at all.
One-happy-dance for ya Spumoni! Tina is now in the house! Sweeeeeeeeeet! So, she already checked out BP on-line. Nice, always a good sign when you’re interested. Emotional eating taking place…hm, I’d say, Ms. Kennard already has some “feelings.” Now can we see some talk and action (no…not sex yet, but you know…some flirting, dating, “what the hell is happneing to me feelings,” etc! I like your conversation and pace on this story. PPS!
Is it safe to assume that Bette and Tina were not introduced at the opening, since there was no mention of it by either of them. However, an introduction would explain the humming that Bette is doing. Anyway, great chapter. Thanks for posting.