Marina was already there when I arrived about 8. She sat at a table in a calm part of the generously arranged terrace and had already ordered a decanter of red wine. The waiter brought us a basket of warm rolls, some of those small rolls made from the remainders of the yeast paste for the Pizzas and a small bowl with a kind of garlic-olive dip. The smell pleasantly went up to my nose and remembered me of our favourite Italian in L.A.

It was nearly a kind of ritual, always when the waitress came with the basket of rolls, Tina said „I loooove these rolls “, took one, tore it up greedily and „stuffed “one half into her mouth while she began to turn the other half between her fingers, nearly affectionately and played with it and I saw the anticipation in her eyes of eating that one in an instant. Usually we ordered a second basket, so that I could collect a small supply in my handbag, which I used to see Tina’s radiating eyes also on the way home in the car. I only asked her „would you still like one?” and Tina nodded incessant and clearly affirming. Some when I said to her “that’s the last one” and her almost disappointed view let me soften nearly. But no, I withstood and drove with home. Usually we had another glass of wine and went to bed then, „it was a beautiful evening. I am so glad that I may experience that with you.” Then she gently stroked my face. „I’m too, I love you.” Tina turned over to delete the light at the nightstand and then turned to me again. I held her that, really really last roll under her nose and she soaked up the gently sweetish smell with a deep breath and although it was dark I could feel the brightness in her eyes …

With a “why’re you smiling?” Marina tore me back from the past into the present. “Oh nothing.” I stammered, but my heart continued smiling and with „your bar today closed?” I tried to change the topic. „No, it isn’t, Tom is there. He is effectively my right hand and also does quite well without me. I think he is quite glad sometimes to also do the job on his own and not always having his austere boss around him.  I trust him completely, I don’t have to worry about it.” “It is beautiful, if one can rely on someone. In the last years I often could not even rely on myself.” “Guilt feelings?” “Yes, and… let’s say, it was better like that for Tina.” “It seems as you would regret, what happened and what you did?” “I don’t regret to have gone away. It was the only way.” “The only way for whom?” “The only way to not hurt Tina any further.” “How unselfishly … You want to tell me, you’ve done all that for Tina? You have silently left in a night-and-fog-action simply not to hurt Tina? You have never called her; have never told her that you’re fine only to protect her? You have never written to her, you never even got in touch with your friends, not even with your sister Kit because you what … because did not want to hurt Tina? That is not your seriousness, Bette, that’s in all seriousness not what you want to make believe now?“