Chapter 35

Bette didn’t have to reply immediately because after her little heart-felt speech Tina totally disintegrated into floods of tears. Bette pulled her close and held onto her- hoping that she was able to give her lover some sort of comfort. All the while she held Tina Bette’s mind was racing. Did she love Tina ? Yes – of course she did – she loved her and had never really loved anyone else. They had been both holding back on expressing that love – it hadn’t only be her – Tina had her own demons and its seemed to be some sort of unspoken agreement that neither of them were ready for saying anything of love. But it was there – it had been there on that first day when they had come back to Bette’s apartment to make love – yes it had been passionate and breathless but there had also been the tenderness that only happened between two people who have a deeper connection than the immediacy of sexual need. Tina had been awesome about not pressing Bette with any questions about what had happened to her at Yale. Tina had spoken a little of Harvard but not much – Bette had said even less. This still wasn’t the time to talk about some of the things that had happened at Yale. Bette knew that she had made a mistake in wrapping her past history with her current feelings.
She had thought that they were inter-linked – she had been wrong. Her past didn’t stop her loving Tina Kennard  – nothing would stop her loving Tina.
Finally when Tina’s tears subsided Bette eased away from her and rubbed some of  the tears from her eyes. She sighed and smiled at the blonde who looked so young and so scared.
“You “ she said softly “ Are my soul mate – you are and will always be the person I trust the most – you are the woman who makes my blood boil with passion. You are my best friend – the sanctuary from the world out there. You are my island and my salvation. Above all – you Tina – you are the only woman I have ever loved and will ever love. I am sorry that I haven’t said it out-loud before now. I guess I have been s afraid of fucking everything up – of saying something that spoils what we have. I know I was scared back 6 years ago when we met – I had no idea what was ahead of me when we went for  that walk along the beach.. All I knew was that I was about to change my life – I didn’t realise that I was starting on a journey that only death is going to halt. I have been terrified of you not loving me back because I knew that I loved you every day of the time I was at Yale. I loved you when I was making love to other women – there was always a part of me that I couldn’t give them  – regardless of how much they wanted it. There is a part of my heart and soul that just has this big stamp on it that says “ property of Tina Kennard”.
Bette put her hands on Tina’s face and kissed her on the lips – the kiss went on for several seconds until Bette ended the kiss but kept her hands on Tina’s face
“I love you Tina – I am incapable of NOT loving you. I am just so sorry that it has taken this for me to say it to you”
Tina sniffed noisy “It took this to make BOTH of us face this “
Bette nodded “I know – but regardless of why we said what we have tonight – its now out in the open – that box cannot be closed again. I know you love me and I hope and pray that you know I love you “
Tina nodded “ I do – even though we have both been skirting around it and both of us have bitten our tongues on so many times when its been what we have wanted to say”
Bette nodded in agreement – she had been guilty of that.
“I hope even though I haven’t said it until tonight that you knew” Bette said
“I think I did – we have both acted in ways that you only act when you love your partner – not just in bed but the way you took so much time to help me with my apartment – you were working night shifts but you were still coming over with barely three or four hours sleep and painting doors and applying coats of varnish to the wardrobe – you don’t do that if you are just with someone for the sex and the social life”
Bette nodded – that was true
“We can tell people we fell in love over a blanket box “
Tina laughed for the first time in a long time. She held onto Bette
“I love you “ she said softly
Bette decided the mood needed further lightening
“I know – you said – a  lot”
Tina laughed and gave her a playful slap on the ass “ You are bad Porter”
“I can’t be – you love me – you said so”
Tina kissed Bette on the lips “I love you so much”
“I love you too – more than you know – more than I know how to show you”
Bette pulled Tina into another embrace -Tina had experienced a terrible shock but from that they had finally voiced their love for one another. She hugged Tina for several minutes until Tina ended it and took Bette’s hands
“I am never going to hurt you “
“We are the only people who can hurt one another “
“I know and that is scary. But I trust you – I want you to know that – and whatever it is that I know you want to tell me. I want you to know that there is not and will never be any pressure from me. Nothing can change my feelings and when you are ready to talk – then I will be here to listen”
Bette swallowed back a hard lump in her throat. For several minutes she didn’t speak but finally she said
“Thank you – that is true love”
Tina smiled
“I do want to tell you – its just” she stopped “ Its hard for me”
Tina nodded “Its okay – lets not mention it again. You will know when you want to talk. I just want you to know that its not going to change my love for you”
“I appreciate you saying that”
God – Bette thought – just how amazing is this woman ? She knows I am hiding something but she doesn’t want me to feel that I have to tell her. That is not just love  – that is true love.
“I love you “ Bette said quietly
“So you keep telling me “ Tina returned the joke which made Bette laugh.
Bette exhaled “ Do you want some food ? Some coffee – arsenic ?”
“A beer and whatever you have in the fridge “
“Not much to be honest- what do you fancy – pizza or Chinese or Indian ?”
“You pick – the beer is what I want”
Bette smiled “ Pizza should arrive the quickest “
“Suits me “
Bette went to get her mobile from her bag and walked into the kitchen to pick a take-away leaflet from her notice board. Tina took the opportunity to sit down and try and gather her thoughts. Her mind was running at a thousand miles a second and she hadn’t been able to process anything that had happening between her and Emma.
After five minutes Bette returned with two bottles of beer and handed one to Tina. They both lent back on the sofa and put their feet up on the coffee table
“Thanks – I need this”
“We can switch to scotch later if you think that beer isn’t enough”
“Better not – I rang my boss and told him what had happened. He’s been good enough to give me tomorrow off as well. “
“That’s good of him”
Tina nodded and took a sip of beer. Bette looked at her
“How’s Emma ?”
Tina sighed “Like someone took all the air out of her bluster and bravado. I have never seen her like that before and it’s a real shock. For years she has been the baddie in my eyes for so much but of course because of what happened about us going to college. I have called her names and defied her and said all sorts of things”
Bette agreed with that – they both had
“And in comparison Kate has been the Saint who must be mad to put up with her”
Another fair point
“So to find out that Kate is a lying and cheating cow while Emma is the victim who knew that Kate was being fucked by this rich bitch and was too scared to say anything because she knew that as soon as it came out in the open then her marriage was over”
Tina shook her head “it’s a nightmare”
“My mom said that Kate reckoned that Emma wouldn’t notice if she left. I said that was bs – that is the sort of thing you say when you are justifying something that you are doing that you know will be frowned on”
Tina looked at Bette
“Would that be you defending Emma ?”
Bette smiled “     Yeah -reports are coming in from someone called Mister B.L zebub that his dwelling is expressing a drop in temperature”
Tina laughed out loud at that joke – that was clever.
“I will try and not make it worse for him by doing it again” Bette added dryly. Tina took her hand “ At least you called your mom on what Kate had said”
“I said that Kate had been acting like a selfish bitch for how she had treated you”
“Kate has been acting like a selfish bitch for a number of months . Emma isn’t stupid – neither is she blind – she knew what was going on and Kate was the one who was thinking that she was being so bloody clever – god I could slap her “
“I am sorry she’s been horrible to Emma” Bette said and found to her surprise that she meant it. “I am more pissed at how she was last night with you – that sucked”
“It shocked Emma – she wanted both of them to tell me – with you and dad there as my support team I guess”
“That would have been better “
“Kate didn’t want that – she said that she couldn’t explain things to me better if Emma wasn’t there “
“Yeah cos she did such a fucking fantastic job of explaining things to you when there was just the three of us “ Bette fired back showing a flash of anger – Tina wasn’t the only one who wanted to slap Kate right now
Tina drank more of her beer “There is a pre-nuptual agreement “
“I know – that sucks as well”
“I hope Kate doesn’t try and get more money than this agreement entitles her to”
“Does Emma think she will ?”
“Well if she does I have told mom that Kate can go fuck herself – I am not going to let her hurt mom any more than she has done already and a bloody court case would be awful”
“It would destroy all of you “ Bette said echoing something that her mother had said
“Well Kate is going to know that – if she pushed for the agreement to be annulled she can forget ever speaking to her daughter again”
Bette thought that was going too far but at the same time she could understand why Tina was so riled.
“Lets see what everyone’s position is when the dust settles – did Emma know anything about Madam Art Collector ?”
“Mom had a investigator look into her when she found out”
“How did see find out by the way – mom didn’t know “
Tina laughed “ Left her mobile on the table at breakfast – came back after 30 minutes in a blind panic. Mom had already picked it up thinking it was hers”
“Ouch  – that like the thief who is there to steal the CCTV camera getting caught on CCTV”
“It is pathetic isn’t it ? I thought Kate was smarter than that – obviously not”
“Sorry  – you were saying about an investigator ?”
“Yeah – mom had this Alex checked out and she reeled these facts out about her – that’s hard – knowing stuff about the woman who is sleeping with your life partner”
“Canadian/ English mom said “ Bette said “I don’t think she knew much else. Just what Kate had told her”
“Mom has a whole file on her”
“Did she show it to you ?”
“No – I did ask – I want to know who she is and what she had that Emma doesn’t have”
“So what did Emma tell you ?”
“She got a 1st in Art History at Cambridge “
“How did she make her money ?”
“Buying and selling antiques and paintings – made some shrew investments and sold a undiscovered Picasso for several million about a decade ago”
Bette didn’t like the sound of her – art – how fucking pretentious was that as a career ?
“So Kate is going to be living the life of luxury “
“Seems so – with 40% of all mom’s assets”
“And is that a lot ?”
“Considerable “ Tina said “ I know that Emma isn’t going to be bankrupt but it’s a bad blow to her – but at the moment the money doesn’t matter. Nothing matters – its awful Bette – she’s just so “ Tina exhaled “ So lost”
“Its going to months – years even before she starts recovering from this”
“Not helped by the fact that she is also beating herself up over how she’s been treating me and her attitude to the job and the apartment and the girlfriend”
“Not the best time for a conversation about how you two have been getting on is it ?”
“No  – and that was what I said but she wanted to talk and she was beating herself up saying that she had lost both of us”
If Bette had been in her usual less charitable frame of mind towards Emma she would say that remark sounded like emotional blackmail. She took Tina’s hand and kissed it
“Hard conversation for both of you “
“We didn’t really get into the whole college business and what she has said about me and you since then. This thing with Kate is more important  – I can talk to her about us when things settle down”
“What are her immediate plans ? – does she have any beyond getting out of bed tomorrow ?”
“She is going away for a couple of weeks – get her head together. She has cases to hand over and that might take a week -but when her obligation to the firm is over  – she is heading off somewhere sunny”
“Seems very quick to make a decision like that” Bette remarked
“What broke my heart was that she didn’t decide that after Kate walked out. She has known since May – can you imagine carrying that around with you for that long and every day not knowing if this is the last day that your wife will be around ?”
Bette shook her head – that sounded like a terrible burden
“Sisyphus was a King who was punished for what he had done by being made to push a giant rock up a mountain. Zeus always made sure that before he reached the top with the rock it rolled back to the bottom again – knowing that your wife is going to leave you but not knowing when must be like that”
“it’s a cruel thing that she has put herself through  – or rather what Kate has done to her”
“Its complicated “
Tina looked at Bette “Not to me – to me Kate has betrayed Emma by not only cheating on her but the way she left her and is going to screw her for her assets when she has this rich girlfriend with houses all over the world. On top of what she’s done to mom she lied to me and treated me like a piece of shit by not showing up until midnight. It obvious where I stand in her list of priorities and it makes all that crap about how important I am to her and how I the most important person in her life – that is what it is – hypocritical bullshit and the next time she dares to show her face I am going to tell her so”