”Another nightmare about to come true
Will manifest tomorrow
Another love that I’ve taken from you
Lost in time, on the edge of suffering
Another taste of the evil I breed
Will level you completely
Bring to life everything that you fear
Live in the dark, and the world is threatening…”*

Day 63 after the accident – Cedars Sinai Hospital – h. 11.28 p.m.

“Please, I know that you guys know where Shane is. Can anybody enlighten me?”, I ask, for the tenth time in the last three hours.
I don’t feel well and often I fall asleep, small slumbers that leave me more exhausted than before.
But I’m tired to pretend that nothing is happening. I haven’t pushed my family but my friends are gonna answer to me, for Christ’s sake.
It’s past eleven in the evening and Shane is not here and I start feeling really anxious about it.
And everybody keeps treating me like I’m a glass doll.
Fuck this.
I glance at Bette: nothing.
I glance at Alice: nothing.
I glance at Tasha: nothing.
I glance at Jenny.
“Jen”, I warn her.
She sighs.
“Guys, if you’re not gonna help me in this, I will do it by myself. I’m gonna get up now”, I say, try to sound determined and firm and praying silently they would give up.
Alice motions towards me immediately.
“Carmen, no. Please, you need to rest…. Please… “.
“Fuck you all!”, I grimace, trying to raise my heavy head from the pillow with not much success.
Jenny sighs again and bites her lower lip.
“Jen…”, I call her.
“Jen, I beg you, tell me what’s happening. I have a bad feeling”.
“Carmen, you don’t need to be stressed up. Let us deal with this”.
Bette gives her a killer look.
“Look… I’ve been through a lot of shit lately. Someone shot me, I’ve had a heart failure, I’m still trying to recollect my memories, and I have…”, and my voice faints, “…I have lost the baby I was carrying. I don’t need any more secrets, okay? And I won’t stay here pretending that everything’s alright when it’s not”.
In the room there is a blanket of uncomfortable silence.
Then Alice sits beside me on the bed.
“Okay… Carmen, we’re gonna tell you everything but you promise me you’ll keep calm, okay?”.
I nod, clenching my jaw.
“Come on”, I say quickly.
“Alright”, she exhales.
“We’ve been trying to contact Shane since your mother told us that you were conscious. But her cell phone is switched off. This morning, when you had that heart failure, Shane was here. She talked with your mother and your sister about what had happened to you and she seemed quite edgy… very nervous. She has been here by your side till four p.m., when your family arrived. Then, she left. She told Mercedes she needed a walk outside, and that she would be back later”.
I nod, trying hard to focus despite my terrible headache.
Jen touches Alice’s shoulder.
“Carmen… Shane is not dealing well with what’s happened to you. She didn’t talk with you about it, actually she didn’t talk to anyone. She hired a private investigator to find the guy who shot you…”.
I widen my eyes in shock.
“…And…also…”. Suddenly Jenny seems unsure.
“She bought a gun, Carmen”, Bette cuts in, crossing her arms.
“What?”, I whisper as my heart bumps into my chest.
“But Dante tampered it!”, Alice hurriedly says.
“Dante? What Dante’s got to do with it?”, I frown in disbelief.
Tasha turns towards me.
“Dante is an old friend of mine, Carmen. He was a policeman. Currently, he is a private investigator…”.
“Are you telling me that Shane hired Dante to find the man who shot me?”, I ask.
Tasha shakes her head.
“No. Shane hired Marshall DeNardo, you don’t know him yet. I and Alice called Dante after…”.
I close my eyes for a second.
“You found something, didn’t you? That day… That day you were trying to reassure me about my nightmares…”, I murmur.
“Yeah…”, Alice sighs, “…We found a case file in your studio. We discovered that Shane was looking for that robber. That she wanted to take the law into her hands”.
I am speechless.
And I don’t know if I am more mad at Shane, or in love with her, or worried.
“Dante started to investigate on his own, then… and checked on Shane… He has been checking on Shane for weeks…Together with Marshall…”, Tasha adds.
I nod again.
“I guess today is the missing pieces day…”, I whisper, rubbing my eyes. “…Have you called Dante and Marshall? Have you told them that Shane is missing?”.
“Yeah… I called him more than one hour ago, when it became pretty clear that Shane wasn’t simply taking a walk outside”, Tasha says.
“And that’s why we didn’t want to tell you what’s happening”, Alice exclaims, “Because those two guys are gonna find Shane and fix everything up”.
“She’s going after him”, I say, unexpectedly.
“Who?”, Bette asks.
“The man who shot me”.
Nobody speaks.
I close my fists.
“Help me, I want to get up”.

"I’ve watched you change
Into a fly
I looked away
You were on fire
I watched a change
In you
It’s like you never
Had wings
Now you feel
So Alive"**

**

TBC

**

Soundtrack:

* “Prayer” (Disturbed)
** "Change (In The House Of Flies)" (Deftones)