Summary of the previous chapter: After enjoying a leisurely breakfast, Bette and Tina go home while Alex goes to catch her flight for Washington D.C.

Tuesday
It is about 9:00 in the morning. Bette has not yet left for the office. She wishes she didnt have to go in to work at all, but there are things to which she must attend. Hearing the doorbell ring, she goes to find herself accepting delivery of an overnight envelope. Tina enters the room after hearing the doorbell. Bette looks at the envelope with a puzzled look on her face. She sits down on the couch to open the envelope as Tina sits beside her. Inside they find a simple, white business envelope with Alexs handwriting addressing it to Bette E. Balls and T-bird.
Bette opens the envelope to find a handwritten note:


Dear Betty and T-bird,
If youre reading this, it means that I am dead, either that or my lawyer has really fucked up. He was supposed to overnight this to you upon confirmation of my demise. In about 48 hours, he will follow up with contacting you about all of the mumbo jumbo. I wanted to say my part before the mumbo jumbo starts.
You know that I am always saying that things must be put in their historical context. It would be remiss of me not to follow my own wisdom. As such, let me tell you what is going on in time as I write this. Betty, you called me last week to tell me that T-bird is pregnant and that you have scored some big art show called Provocations. I can only wonder what will be happening in life (pun intended) as you read this following my death.
I guess that I should get all of this out of the way. There is a one hundred thousand dollar life insurance policy on my head. The beneficiary is Christina Kennard in trust for the education of any and all children she may have. Its not that I dont trust you with the money, T-bird. I just wanted to leave something especially for your child(ren) since I wont be around to help them blackmail their mother. I hope that I will be around so that they can call Aunt Alex who will tell them that if they just whisper certain things in Mother Bettes ear, she will be so embarrassed that they will no longer be grounded. Just in case that doesnt happen, however, they can at least get a good education and figure out another way to outsmart Bette.
As for the other stuff, the condo is yours. At this time, real estate in G-town is selling well, hopefully it will still be like that when you inherit my place. I understand if you dont want to fly across the country for the pleasure of throwing away the contents of my sock drawer. You can hire people to do that. If you choose to come, take comfort in the fact that you wont have to worry about spending a lot of time emptying my underwear drawer since I dont usually wear underpants.
Catherines clothes are still in the closet with mine. I could just never bring myself to get rid of them. So, who ever gets the pleasure of cleaning out the place gets to lug two sets of clothes to the curb, or the goodwill, or the clown college.
My books as you know are one ***** of a collection, if I do say so with pride. One of the mumbo jumbo things the lawyer will do is get an appraisal. I know of no one with a collection of out of print history texts to rival mine. You can probably donate them to some college, a good tax write-off. I suspect that you can give my car to charity as well. ***** Uncle Sam in whatever way you can as they say, hes the only uncle you can ***** without it being incest.
The art I am leaving for you to appraise. All those bloody shows you took me to: Id like something and you would say the artist had no future; you would say the artist had a future and I would say their stuff was ugly as *****. My entire art collection consists of the few pieces upon which you and I agreed. I think in total I spent about $4000 on those 14 paintings. I wonder what they are worth? I remember, while waiting somewhere, reading in an article that one of the paintings in the LaRue series recently sold at auction for $12,500.00. Ive got one of the pieces in that series. It would be nice to know that you and I made a fortune on pieces of art on which we could both agree, we might have done great in business together.
Of course, you get all of the rights and royalties to my books. You can, now have the privilege of fighting with my publisher instead of me.
Im guessing that altogether with the Condo, the art, my bank accounts, etc. I am leaving you about a million dollars worth of estate. It sure does make me sound impressive doesnt it? She left an estate valued at one million dollars. Nothing pumps up a persons dead worth more than Gtown real estate.
Alright, the business end is done. The lawyer will finish the mumbo jumbo.
On to sentimentalityand I shall make this brief as you and I wouldnt have it any other way.

Dont cry for me Argentina. Actually, I dont expect them to cry for me. What the ***** did I ever do for Argentina? So, Dont Cry for Me Bette and Tina. Hey, that fits. Do you think Madonna can get a hit out of singing Dont Cry for Me Bette and Tina?
You know that Im not religious and I dont believe in an afterlife. However, if there is one then I suspect it will go like this:
I will be on an elevator. The doors will open and I will see my Catherine waiting for me. Ive been waiting for you. She will say. We will embrace and kiss.
A voice will bellow, What the ***** is she doing here? She was destined for another floor if you know what I mean.
Let her stay. Catherine will say. I know shes a mess, but I am kind of partial to her.
Okay, Catherine. I will do it for you.
After God walks away, I will tell Catherine how impressed I am that she is on such good terms with God. She will wave her hand and smile modestly. She just stops by from time to time for some advice.
Later on I will ask Catherine about the advice she gives God. Right now we are agreeing to disagree.
About what? I ask as I hold Catherine in my arms.
I told her she should have finished off Bush with the pretzel while she had the chance. She says that she just cant help it, she finds him funny. She keeps telling me, I make him a moron and they make him President.
We laugh. We hold each other. It is good.
That is my fantasy. Now, back to reality

I love you Bette Porter, I always have. (Now, before you get jealous, T-bird I dont mean it in the same way that you love Bette.)
I guess you might say that you and I are like roses bushes that grew up so close together that they became intertwined. Looking at them, you cant easily separate which branches belong to which plant. Both plants grow completely independent of each other but they are still intertwined. I think that you will always be intertwined in my soul.
Despite her flaws (and believe me when I say that I know there are MANY), youve got a good woman T-bird. I know she is a lot of work, but I think she is worth it.
As for you, Bette E. Balls, I dont know how the ***** you ever got lucky enough to find T-bird. But, if you have any brain inside that attractive head of yours, you will hold on to that woman with everything youve got.
Youre going to have a baby. Congratulations. Love the kid (I know you will) but also remember to make time (this lecture being aimed at the tall one). I know you love to work and all, but remember to go home. The thing I remember most about my father was that he was never home. Dont let your child say that about you.
Well, Im dying of curiosity (pun intended). Under what circumstances are you reading this? Did I fall off of a cliff? Was I drunk and fell out of a hotel window? Did I slip and fall on a patch of ice? Promise me that I didnt die like Elvis (on the toilet).
Alright, Ive got to end this at some point. Times a wastin so to speak.
Remember that I love you and more importantly remember that you love each other.
From beyond,
Alex or should I be formal for once?
Alexandra Magdalena Teresa Novack (affectionately known to many as What a *****).

P.S. Oh, come on, there had to be a P.S. I had to come back one last time. I still owe your sister $5.00 for the bet we made on your 18th birthday about how many beers it would take to get you completely drunk. With interest, oh heiress of mine, I suspect you owe her at least a twenty. Pay up, will you. Its your fault. I said it would take at least a six pack. You managed to be totally drunk on a mere 4 beers. Granted, Kit thought it would take only 2, but she was still closer than I was.
Oh, and one last thing: life is short. Make the most of the time you have together.
Gone to my reward (I can only imagine what that might be),
Alex