Previously – Go to “Never Give Up – part 2″

Dylan was exhausted. She had just a few hours of sleep last night, on Helena’s couch. An expensive and comfortable leather couch, to tell the truth, but she was too much excited indeed to sleep.
She came back home at half past 6 in the afternoon just in time to take a quick shower and get ready for the dinned with Helena. Her house was a mess, but she luckily found one last cold drink in the fridge. She sat on the carpet drinking and looking out of the window.
She had been ready to leave LA that day, everything was packed and all have been organized for her arrival in San Francisco. They were waiting for her to start the pre-production work of her new short.
She had been ready to give up to her last chance to be happy with Helena, convinced that she had fucked that up one more time.
Even if she was aware that giving back the check and trying to give words to her inner turmoil and fears in a videotape would sure not enough to have Helena forgive her, she couldn’t help herself hoping she would one day come to understand why she had to leave. That was simply too much for her to endure. Too intense the feelings, too unexpected the awareness of how wrong she was in judging the victim of the plotting she had been involved by Danny and too scary the reaction of him when understanding how much she had been really affected by that. She had fought her entire life against prejudice, against injustice, against violence. She wanted her documentaries to show reality and make people think about a way to change that. But she confused the intentions with the means, and finally became part of the wrong side. Fighting the liars with lies, that was what Danny make her believe was right. The vicious lesbian girl just had to be the unavoidable casualty of the fight between the “Rich-and-Powerful” producers against the “Poor-and-virtuous” moviemaker who they tried to prevent from telling the truth.
“How fuckng stupid have I been!” she could hardly believe she really agreed to betray Helena in that a sly and cruel manner.
But Dylan had later realized she was as much in love with her, as she was angry for what she did to her.
She devastated her, destroyed all her self-confidence and turned her life upside down. She didn’t know who she was anymore, the whole life she’d been living until that moment broke into pieces she found herself unable to recompose. She was not prepared for that kind of feelings. “I simpy HAD to leave!”
But she had been feeling guilty for what she did for each single day of her fucking life since she left Helena, and she never stopped thinking about her. Never..
In the past two years, she’ been struggling to come out, understanding that she could not deny her own nature anymore. Be who you are, whoever you are. That had not been easy, but she finally accepted herself and the new one she’d became after meeting Helena. And even if she still felt ashamed of how she behaved, she had come to be proud of how she changed, and of what she was doing right now. Mistakes are meaningless only if they teach you nothing, and she was sure she’ll never let her prejudice and fear overcome her again.
She threw herself into her job and tried to use her talent as a visual story teller to tell stories that could help people not to be afraid of being themselves. In the meantime, she took occasionally some jobs as a freelance photographer, that helped her to pay for the bills, and were a good occasion to travel and try to forget the emptyness of her private life. She was involved in a “one night stand” last year, with an Italian young brunette she simply coundn’t stop looking at during her shot-trip in central Italy. She was just so beautiful and sweet and so much time has passed since Dylan had a romantic encounter, that she could not help being seduced into her bed that same night they went out for dinner. The day after, when looking at the photos , Dylan realized that she resembled Helena so much they could have mistaken her for her sister at a first look. That stuck her as a stone: she had just started to think that “maybe” she could finally let it go with her past, now she instead was sure what she really wanted was still that amazing woman she had betrayed soon after she stole her heart.
That’s why she came back to LA and she went to Hit.

She read that was Helena’s new club, and she was determined to meet her and at least apologize face by face. She had the courage to do that now. She was not expecting nothing, but if a spark of the old feelings and just a little bit of the attraction they felt were still living into her as they were into Dylan, well, the nature would have done its course.
But when she met Helena, everything started on the wrong way, as usual.
However, when she met Helena at Hit just a few months ago, the thought of being with her again had a better score in her fantasies than it had now.
She just could not understand how stupid and goofy she became any time Helena came on her way. She got stunned by her beauty and almost incapable of speech, she had not the nerve to tell her she had actually come for her, and not because she just used to go “hunting” into lesbian bars now.
“Fuck!, She was so damned good at playing cold and detached. We’re really a perfect match, for what concern to lie to hide your feelings…!”
Dylan was soon convinced nothing she could say could recreate the feeling, thus simply left, with the bitter taste in her mouth.
“But then.. Wow.. How beautiful was she when she’s so pissed off”..
The rush of anger of Helena in the parking made her realize that actually she still had got feelings for her “Not exactly what a woman in love would seek for, but honestly I could not expect anything else..” Helena was still pissed off and completely mad at her. It was not going to be easy. But by that moment when she felt herself punched on the car and facing a shouting Helena, she knew she still wanted to be with her. She had nothing to loose. That would surely be an hard task, but she had to know If , with no other interference, they could be happy together.
Unfortunately nothing went as she expected. Talking to Helena was harder than she thought, and she only managed to open her heart to Tina. “Why didn’t she talk to Helena privately, I really can’t get it..” Dylan hoped she could convince her at least to listen directly to what she had to say. Instead, as she learned later, Tina involved the whole gang in a sort of “can we trust Dylan” game, as if Helena was incapable of judging by herself what she wanted or wanted not. Dylan was sincere to Tina, and told her the very truth she still had not been able to tell Helena: she could not stop thinking about her, and she was convinced to be still in love with her. That was the right way, she knew it: truth, and love.
But once again she found herself in a damned coincidence of events that did not lead where she aimed at.
She didn’t know who had that fucking idea of the “test”, but each time she recalled that moment she learned about that, she had to admit to herself it would had been so easy to talk honestly to her: “Helena, you don’t need to use a beautiful rich girl who could help me with my career to seduce me. I’m a different person now! I don’t give a fuck to your money, or your power: I just want to be back with you, stop. Give us a chance.”

That could have been easy. “Why did I take that fucking challenge to pass the test? What did you want to demonstae her? If this is what you need to trust me, that I’ll give you.?!”
She perfectly knew that, once again, if Helena came back to her, there would have been lies and secrets between them.
When they came home after the “test”, she was firmly determined to tell her the truth.
But Dylan’s feelings overwhelmed her and took control over her reason. She just wanted to show her how much she still loved her, and how perfect they could hang on together, again, despite all what happened. Nothing else mattered. Just love, and passion. And all her good intentions to tell her about the fact she already knew about the “test” faded away while she kneeled down on the carpet between Helena’s legs.
Go to “Never Give Up – part 4″