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I’ve Got You Under My Skin
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Not too much later, she got into an argument with Brad about sexuality. Without meaning to, I stepped into the role of mediator that I had played for her so often over the course of our relationship, and, as usual, I was rendered complete ineffective. I never really minded. In no time at all, she had geared up into full alpha mode, ridiculously articulate with an intellect that shamed Henry’s friends, making them seem to be nothing more than blathering idiots. I once again felt my breathing becoming erratic. In the happy times, after she fought with someone, I’d drag her into a corner and help her release the remainder of her tension into me, our hands roughly pulling our bodies closer, our tongues finishing off the left over energy. Eventually, I’d feel her begin to slow and surrender, a sign that she had cooled off, at least in one fashion. She’d pull back and rest her forehead against mine, smiling deep into my eyes, acknowledging my support, caressing my face, tucking my hair behind my ears.
The addition of Angus’ voice to the conversation gently nudged me back to the present in time for me to catch her grin as he comically demonstrated the success he’d had with Boy Butter. The smirk on her face sent shivers racing through my body. Luckily, Alice’s suggestion to play a game pulled everyone’s attention before they could notice my reaction. We all moved to sit and play a game of Celebrity. I perched on a chair opposite of her, able to take in the masterpiece that was Bette.
In the middle of the debacle that was my poor attempt at mixing my old and new life, she sat, betraying her indifference and boredom. Had this been two years ago, she would have given me a look, I would have made an excuse, and we would have gone home, most likely to make love. Why couldn’t I stop thinking about having sex with her tonight? Was it because her perfume confused my senses even from across the room? The way her legs rested deliciously together and disappeared in the dress that should be a crime? That hugged her curvaceous form so tightly, the curls that called for me to run my fingers through them, the hoop earrings I longed to gently remove for her just before taking her over and over again. I wanted to strip her until there was nothing left, run my hands over her body until a salty sheen covered her sculpted form, cover her frame with mine when she returned to me, sexually battle with her into the early morning hours.
The vision of her standing so painfully gracefully broke my reverie, and I tried quickly to beat down the blush I know showed. With a sigh, she walked past me, taking with her the light and warmth from the room. I struggled in vain to grasp at the remaining feelings, closing my eyes in an attempt to summon her back as I once had the power to. But I knew this time it wouldn’t work. That line of connection had been broken, along with so many others. Acute loss ripped through me, and tears stung my eyes. No, I was here. I couldn’t follow her out of the room and gently slip my hand in hers as I was longing to. No, I couldn’t slide my hands around her waist or laugh with her on the way home about how dull the party had been. No, I couldn’t kiss her just inside the door when we arrived at our house, tasting the little bit of liquor she’s had as we did. No. I could stay here with Henry tonight. I could accept the choices I’d made.
Regardless of what things might be right now, I know I could never be done with Bette Porter. She had been my life for almost ten years. We have a daughter together. I once told Helena she was my family. As much as I tried to escape, that will always be true. I just don’t know how to find my way back to her, or if that’s even a road that’s still… open. I wonder if I even have the strength to be Bette’s only anymore. Or did that Tina Kennard die along with Bette’s spirit last year as I beat her down with humiliation?
“I’d sacrifice anything come what might
For the sake of having you near
In spite of a warning voice that comes in the night
And repeats, repeats in my ear
Don’t you know you fool, you never can win
Use your mentality, wake up to reality
But each time I do, just the thought of you
Makes me stop before I begin
’cause I’ve got you under my skin”
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Loved it!! And hell… everything she wears is sinful… its just so fucking hot that she is always going to commit that crime!
Precisely, NYGayLady.I like it.We can see that Tina is regretting what she had done. I would also. But, I just would come to talk to Bette and say what was and is in my heart. That´s what this marvelous fanfic writers do around here. Cover the holes and the bullshit of IC´s writers. Besides that i got an question. Everybody says that lesbian love to talk and discuss their relationship, their love life.So, this women at TLW aren´nt gay, hun…`cause they just don´t talk. Anyway I like it , honey :)
How can you want to be completely ingulf in some one and not be with them. thanks
BBe I didn’t think you’d post this soon but you did- and you’ve gone and got under My skin AGAIN!!! Good installment- can’t wait to see where you’re going now. Thanks.
I thought LH played this part excellently in the show, you could see the regret, thae pain and the Love, and you captured it beautifully PPS
Beautiful and sp very painful. As AshleyRoth just suggested, may we please have Bette’s pov on this scene. PRETTY PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You put into words what I thought was happening when I saw that scene. The look that Tina had on her face and in her eyes, the way that she kept looking at Bette. There was longing in her eyes and in her posture. It will always be Bette for Tina. Now it is up to her to take the necassary steps back to the only one that she will ever love.
I thought this was a great piece–you captured the moment beautifully, and judging from Sunday night’s episode, all of this may very well have been running through Tina’s head. Or I should say…this is what *I* want running through her head. Also, I was very excited to see that you’d posted again so soon. Always a pleasure reading your work, NY.
I saw it too. Can’t wait to read you reaction to this weeks episode.
Well Well Well, NY you can’t stay away can you and I am thankful for that. I agree with the others that you wrote what Tina looked like she was feeling at that party…well actually disaster is more like it. You know how much I like your writing and can’t wait until you post once again my friend. Thanks!
Definitly looking like another good story to keep going. How did Bette feel that night? You know Tina’s regretting leaving Bette, things are hopefully looking up, cos I don’t care who they try and set her up with, you put Bette and Tina together and the temperature always goes up. This weeks episode was one of my favorites cos their were scenes with them together. The Jodi/Bette combination just isn’t doing it for me.
I forgot. Dress, tank top, whatever, our Ms. Bette is looking extremely hot this season.
Damn, lady!!! you make me cry every time… it’s really sad, but then again, Tina was the one that made her choice… BUT, I can’t help to feel sorry for her… yeah, yeah, I blame my LH heart for not hating her… ANYWAY, girl, keep posting, your stories are always marvelous… and even though ‘the very thought of you’ had a sad tibette ending, it was great… Post soon!!
absolutely…under each other’s skin…
Well, I like it
Tina’s never going to be able to let Bette totally go… And of course, when she gets not-so-little reminder like the sight of Bette in that black dress… well. That should have been enough for Tina to snatch up Angie, grab Bette’s hand and run as fast and as far as possible from Vapid Valley. Alas, she’s left shutting her eyes against the sight of Bette walking away. Oh, well. Great post, NY.
I’m glad someone has done this scene (and beautifully too). I suppose it was deliberate on the part of the actors but Tina did seem so fantastically aware of Bette and so regretful.
The title alone made Frankie Valli’s voice get stuck in my head. I’ll read this later.
wow serious!!
That’s painfully beautiful, or beautifully painful? :D
Completely overwhelming. Bette’s pov would also be great to read.
I’m awful. I would’ve said, “Fuck this shit!” and left if I was Tina.
Lament, that doesn’t make you awful, it makes you human.
NY NY…man this was great…you captured Tina’s angst…I hope you will continue this…one off dosen’t really mean one off on fanfiction.