Tina squeezed her eyes shut, cupping her hands over her ears, fighting the video playing on repeat in her head – Dr Wilson saying “I’m sorry, Tina, you lost the baby. You lost the.. you lost the.. you lost the..” 

Tryin’ to be perfect, tryin’ not to let you down…
Honesty is honestly the hardest thing for me right now…yeah

Bette was standing outside the French doors, looking at Tina trying to chase away her demons. She wanted so badly to just go in and comfort Tina, take away her pain. She wanted them to talk, to reassure each other.

While the floors underneath our feet are crumblin’
The walls we built together tumblin’

She sighed, would they still be able to do that? She loved Tina, she always would. But she was not sure if Tina still loved her. After all, Tina had been pushing her away these few days, she almost seemed repulsed by Bette’s touch. Where was the Tina she knew and loved? Who was this stranger sharing her bed every night?

I still stand here holdin’ up the roof
Cause it’s easier than telling the truth.

She squared her shoulders and took a deep breath. What she felt was secondary, Tina came first. Tina always came first. They would tackle this after Tina fought her way through the grief.

Stop ignoring that our hearts are mourning
And let the rain come in.

Tina felt Bette come into the room and sit on the bed, tentatively touching her shoulder with her hand.

“Tina? Please let me.”

Stop pretending that it’s not ending
And let the end begin.

The pure desperation in Bette’s voice hit Tina straight in the heart. How had they got to this stage? Her grief had to end, Bette needed her just as much. She had to face reality, yes their baby boy was gone, she could not do anything to bring him back.

Oh god, she had just admitted it to herself, the pain slammed into her with the force of a sledgehammer. She reached for Bette and buried herself into the crook of her neck. 

Oh yeah…

Bette felt rather than saw Tina leaning into her but her arms moved of their own accord, snaking around Tina, holding her tightly.

Tryin’ to be perfect, tryin’ not to let you down…yeah
Honesty is honestly the hardest thing for me right now…yeah

Bette buried her face in Tina’s hair, taking in the familiar smell. She reveled in having Tina in her arms, she had missed this feeling. She gripped Tina tighter, fighting the tears that were threatening to flow down her cheeks. She wanted to tell Tina how much this had hurt her as well, but the words just would not come.

Tina looked at Bette, she knew that Bette was struggling as well. She tried to reassure her “Bette, I… I just… I know I…”

While the floors underneath our feet are crumblin’
The walls we built together tumblin’

Bette said brokenly “I know, I know. It’s hard, but it’s hard for me too. Please Tina, don’t shut me out again. I won’t be able to handle not recognising my Tee again.”

Tina cupped Bette’s face with her hands “I couldn’t recognise myself either, I… I’m sorry Bette.” And Tina fell back into Bette’s embrace, sobbing harder, feeling the pain of losing their child, of hurting the only woman she had ever loved and hurting herself in the process.

I still stand here holdin’ up the roof
Cause it’s easier than telling the truth.

Bette held Tina, knowing that they would have to have a good talk, but she could not bring herself to do it now. Everything was still too raw, too fresh. They had been denying it for a week, what was one more night in the grand scheme of things?

And so the couple continued holding on to one another, just simply sitting there in the silence of the night, drawing strength and comfort from one another. They had made progress and were back in one another’s arms. And that was all that mattered right now.