As she sat on the cold examining table with nothing covering her but a ‘one size fit all’ examining gown, she thought of all she had given up to become Bette’s dutiful wife. Her career, her opinions perhaps her own self respect. Was this the reason Bette sought out another woman? Maybe leaving her career to ready her body for the baby caused Bette to lose respect for her. She tried hard to understand how it could be that Bette found herself in the arms of another woman and even more why she chose to stay there.

She had driven by their home at 2 am that morning. Why was she up? She was having another restless night, thinking about Bette, stressing about her future as a single parent, warding off another night of cravings. She had an urge for a chocolate milkshake. She found herself in her neighborhood looking for that 24 hour fast food place. After getting her shake she found she had driven absent mindedly automatically to their house. Once there she realized Bette’s car was not in the driveway. It was 2 am and Bette was not home. Her disappointment quickly turned to anger. All she could muster was, “Fuck you Bette Porter. Fuck you.” She quickly lost her appetite for her shake. Fighting through her tears, hurt and angry by Bette’s ongoing betrayal she tried hard to catch her breath. She could not recall how she did it but she found her way back to the safety of Alice’s sofa. Another thing to add to the list of things she had lost, her home. She has lost the home she created with Bette over the past seven years.

Dr Wilson came back in the room with an electronic fetal stethoscope and listened for the heart beat. Unlike the last exam listening for heart sounds on her miscarried baby, this one had a solid and strong beat. She bit her quivering lip trying to hold back her tears. This was a bittersweet moment. Hearing the heartbeat for the first time should have been a grand celebration but instead she felt a profound sadness that Bette was not there to share it with her. Dr Wilson took note of the tears and handed her a tissue. Holding Tina’s shoulder she asked, “Are you sure you do not want to tell Bette?”