The next few days passed in a blur. There was arrangements to be made and people to see. Our flat was full of people coming to pay their respects, but it has never seemed so empty to me. The homeliness died with Dana, leaving a surrounding emptiness. Gone was the light and the love our home had once possessed. I would never see that beautiful smile as I walked through the door. Gone was the mess that Dana created, during the simple task of getting ready in the morning. I would never be woke up to breakfast in bed or go to sleep wrapped in Danas arms. Simple things we take for granted, but when we loss them they leave an unbearable pain in your heart. My heart that will have to end the rest of its days never hearing Dana whisper those 3 little words its so desperate to hear “I love you”. I can never imagine those words meaning anything to me ever again, nor can I imagine ever saying them again. I would feel like I was betraying Dana if I ever told anyone else I loved them. Dana was and always will be the only love in my life, I know that for sure. So as I sat talking to family, friends and co-workers about the good times we shared with Dana, my tears began to fall again. I know I’m supposed to remember the good times and be thankful for them, but they make me realise even more what I’m losing. I excused myself from the group and went to our bedroom. I lay down on the bed, wrapping the pillow from Danas side of the bed in my arms. I can still smell her off it, but even that is fading. I am so afraid of forgetting what she smelt like, how her touch felt and the sound of her voice. I mean if I can never smell, feel or hear them, how will I know. Why does it have to be so hard to be without her? I cried the whole night grieving for my loss. I didn’t want to sleep, because when I woke I would be burying my precious soul mate, my Dana.

On the morning of the burial I numbly got ready in my black suit and pulled my hair back from my face. I left the apartment in the early morning, leaving Bette and Tina sleeping as they stayed the night with me. I walked to the funeral home allowing the sun to wash over me. I needed to see Dana one last time, I didn’t want her to be alone when the coffin was closed over on her. She looked so beautiful and peaceful, like she was lying sleeping. I placed a picture of both us and a picture of the group taken in Paris in the coffin, so she wouldn’t get lonely. I placed a red rose in her hands, to replace all of those flowers id never get the chance to buy her. I placed a soft cuddly teddy bear beside her face to ensure she had sweet dreams with a soft touch. I gave her one final kiss and watched as they placed the lid over the coffin. I made my way back to the apartment and finished getting ready. The church was full of people all wanting to say their own goodbyes to Dana. The last thing left for me to do was to give my eulogy. As I stood before the church full of people I heard Dana tell me she loved me and it gave me all I needed to speak. “We are all here today for one reason and that’s to say goodbye to Dana. Dana is the love of my life, so I hope you understand if this may take a while. Whether Dana was your friend, daughter, sister, co-worker or your one true love, you always knew she loved you. One of the things that made my Dana so unbelievably special was her huge heart and the love she gave to every single person she met. She had the ability to light up your darkest days and make you smile when you thought you had nothing to smile about. Every word she spoke travelled straight to your heart because behind every word was the purest kindness, that wanted nothing in return. Dana always wanted to please everyone and with sure determination she made sure she did even though we think it impossible to please everyone, my baby could always do the impossible. I used to wonder how she could be so unbelievably goofy and clumsy, yet be the most beautiful and graceful woman I have ever met. There are so many things about Dana to love and cherish, I could list a million things more but I have a feeling each and everyone of you know them all. I will finish by saying the day Dana walked into my life, I knew I’d been given an angel from god. I had been given the one person I had been placed on this earth to love, who I will continue to love completely until my dying day. I know that in heaven the angels are smiling and dancing because they have the most precious gift in all of heaven and earth. Dana, I know you can hear me when I say I love you and although you may never be with me in body, you will remain in my heart, my body and my soul forever and always”. I walked over to the coffin and placed another red rose on top and bend down kissing the lid of the coffin. After the service we walked to the burial ground and as the coffin was being led into the ground the brightest and warmest light from the sun washed over us. I felt arms wrap around my waist and I knew it was Dana. I wrapped my arms around myself holding her back, feeling her breath on my cheeks and I knew she would be with me forever.