I don’t know how long I lay clinging to Dana after she died. As I cried into her, I was willing her heart and chest to start moving again. Just that one little beat of her heart, to bring us back together. I could feel the warmth of her skin on my face, so how could my precious angel be dead. I stayed holding onto Dana crying until I felt a hand on my shoulder. I turned to face Sharon’s tear stained face and my heart broke a little more. I stood up and pulled her into a hug, we were both lost in our own grief, but at least we could take comfort in each other. Soon the room was cleared out so they could get Danas body ready. I didn’t want to leave her, I wanted to get her ready. I wanted to be the one who gave her the last thing she ever needed. I clung to her lifeless body as Bette tried in earnest to pull me away. My sobs became shrieks, which soon became screams. “Nooo, Dana please wake up, please stay with me baby, I know you can do it. Please.” that was the only sentence I could manage to string together during those few minutes, in which my life was going to completely change. When all hope was lost, I fell to the floor my head in my hands sobbing. I felt Bette kneel beside and engulf me in a hug. Her embrace was tight as I tried to fight against it, banging my fists into her chest. I didn’t want comfort, I wanted Dana. Then as I was fighting against Bette I heard a voice in my head “Alice, take comfort in our friends.” It was Dana reminding me of what she needed me to do, to allow not only her but myself to move on. I stopped fighting and held Bette close as we cried in each others arms, we had both lost a truly wonderful woman. The next few hours were a blur to me. We stayed at the hospital, until Danas body was prepared for our final goodbye. Sharon, Irwin and Howie went in first to say their goodbyes as I waited outside with the others. As they walked out Sharon walked over to me and kissed me on the cheek, squeezing my shoulders. I could only imagine the grief she was going through, I mean no-one should have to go through the pain of having to bury their own daughter. Slowly I stood up, looking at the door that held Dana. I didn’t want to go through it, because once I did there was no going back, I would have lost her forever. In small apprehensive steps, I edged closer to the door. My hand reached out for the handle, but could do no more, I was frozen to the spot. My life with Dana flashed through my head, all of the things we had done together, the things that bonded us and made our love so strong and pure. In a funny way, it give me the courage to open the door and walk in. As I walked over to where she lay, silent tears fell down my cheeks. My hand run gently down the side of her face, the coldness of her skin evident on my hand. With every passing second my heart broke into a million different pieces, each having a little part of Dana etched onto them. Each piece giving me the words and the courage to say my final goodbye. “Dana, my precious Dana I don’t want to say goodbye to you, but I know I have to. At this very moment the life I thought I’d live has disappeared. How can I think of a future without you, the love of my life in it. We were supposed to do and see so much together, then live out old age in a beautiful cottage in the hills. We were going to spend days walking the hills and lakes, getting lost in the beauty of it all, I would be getting lost in the beauty of you. I suppose I will always have the memory of the holiday we took there together. The beautiful walks made even more magical because I had you by my side. Oh how I wish that could’ve lasted forever, just me and you, how it is supposed to be. Now its just me and Dana nothing scares me more. I will promise to try and do the things you asked, I will take comfort in our friends and try my hardest to move on. But baby, forgive me if it takes a while, you do understand its going to be hard for me. I love you so much and I always will. No matter where you are my heart will always have you in it. I know one day we will meet again then we will be together forever. I hope until then you can find someone to keep you company, I don’t want you being lonely. You cant and I wont allow you to be alone, ok.” I lent over and kissed her on the lips, feeling cold lips on mine. Dana was cold and I couldn’t let her be cold. So I lay on the bed beside her and wrapped her in my arms. Trying in vein to warm up her cold skin with my body, it may have been pointless but I needed to do something. I don’t know how much time passed until I felt more arms over us. Bette, Tina, Shane and Jenny had come in and we all huddled together as a full group for the last time. The only thing I can remember saying during that time is “shes cold, we cant allow her to be cold”.