“Oh fuck no!” the rage consuming me, taking me over and her hand on my shoulder is keeping me from killing her.

“Carmen, weea neeeeeeeeead to tawlk.” her body swaying and I feel sick just seeing her.

“Hey look she doesn’t want to see you, especially right now.” her hand over my pounding heart keeping me from falling into this overpowering feeling of hate.

“Ohhhh iiiiiit’s you, I shoouuuuld’ve knowed… known.” her hand touching her, and I hate her even more.

“Ok, look you can barely stand so just go home and never come back. Don’t even try to talk to her or me, or any of our friends. I can make your life a living hell if you try so just walk away.” her steel eyes watching her every move, daring her to do anything.

“I jus…I just waannna tawlk. She’s got to knowe that I’m not maad at her anymooooore.” the pressure of her hand as I try to move, her slurred words making the fog of red in my head grow thicker. “You…we weerrrre happy, til til you came back.”

She fell over the thick thud of her body hitting the ground, a feeling of worry running through me. I hate this feeling, this thought that she could be hurt, I hate her…but I don‘t.

“Jess are you okay.” her hand falling from my chest, the scraping of the cement on my knees. Her hair falling across her face, I can feel her move behind me, the clicking sound of her lighter. “Jen, Al can you help get her into the house?”

I can’t look at her; I just have to get this over with… so we can be together. I can smell the smoke coming off of her, her eyes fleeting over me looking somewhere else. The night disappearing and there is only silence, a deafening silence that can kill us both. She stands there one hand in her pocket, her cigarette held between two fingers in her other hand. Her eyes staring at that far off place that only she can see, they’re wild and I can feel the uncertainty start to set in. A moment where we stand not knowing what to do, what to say. Staring at my hands that were in hers not so long ago. Looking at her, her hair a mask for her to hide behind, covering her eyes for the briefest of moments before she shakes them away. Her hand pulling her cigarette away and she stares into my eyes making me want to fall into that sea of stars that only she knows the way to.