Shut up, shut up. SHUT UP! I felt like screaming at the top of my voice.

“You need to stop yelling, no one was hurt, I have insurance, so just shut the ***** up, do you ***** understand me you ***** idiot, or do I need to scream at you like a ***** insane savage?”

“Your gonna be one sorry *****.”

Oh wrong ***** answer, now I was really ***** fuming. Before I knew it, had  lunged at the *****, and grabbed him by the shirt. How many years do you get for manslaughter?       

“What makes you think I’m not already? What makes you think I’m not already?”

7.45 p.m. Home, sweet, home. Ha, what a joke that was. On a scale of 1 to 10 of this being a bad day, I think I scored an 11. In fact you could say this was one of the worst days of my life. In fact I could honestly say my life was a cesspool and I was definitely in it up to my neck.

7.46 p.m.  Was in desperate need of something to strong to drink. Wonderful! Have unearthed bottle of Johnny Walker. Will serve purpose just fine, thank you. 

8.22 p.m.   Am successfully on the way to alcohol oblivion.

8.23 p.m.  Feeling lonely decided to invite oneself round to Jenny and Shane’s house.

8.25.p.m. Glad, have Johnny in hand, serves as perfect crutch, seeing as everyone is staring at me.

“Whoaa, everyone is having such a good time.”

Surprised, one self by managing to string words together. Is this room spinning?

“Hi Bette.”

“Hey Bette.”

“Hi.”

Such, a warm, welcome. At least they are talking to me.

“I thought I would invite myself, seeing as no one bothers to any more.”

“Join us.” Shane immediately jumps up and offers me a chair.

Thank god for Shane. Better sit down before one falls flat on face, but throws in one more sarcastic comment prior to parking one’s posterior on the seat.  

“Does anyone mind if I sit? Or is everyone suddenly gonna remember some place that they have to be?”

“Bette no one’s avoiding you we all love you.”

Ah, the lovely Alice.

“Especially you Alice.”

“I do, actually, it hasn’t been easy, nobody, likes choosing sides.”

“But you do it so well.”

Maybe said too much with that comment. Shane jumps in.

“Come on Bette.”

“What is it time for me to shut up?”

Have another drink Bette.

“No. We’re here to have a good time. Let’s do that.”

Better shut up before mouth runs away with me. Shifts uncomfortably on seat, “Okay,” straightens out attire, “Okay,” nods precariously in Alice’s direction.

Deathly silence. Johnny, is starting to do his job spectacularly, one starts staring in to space.

What’s her face, Tonya, comes up with some silly line as to whether or not if we saw our selves at a bar would we ask our selves out. Can’t remember too much of conversation was too busy having out of body experience due to far too much alcohol consumption.

“What about you Bette.”

What. Why are they all looking at me?

“Bette?”

Oh yes. Bette, that’s me. Must be my turn to answer.

“I would see myself and then I would go running in the opposite direction.”

Freaked everyone out by suddenly starting to laugh hysterically. Don’t know why I did, it wasn’t even that funny an answer. I just did. Must be the alcohol. Can’t seem to stop though.

Next thing I know I’m being escorted home by Shane, and Alice. Am very drunk, am in the middle being held up by the both of them. Managed to get on bed, find laughter has turned to tears and start mumbling ‘sorry’ over and over again.   

I want Tina. I wish Tina were here.