Obviously it wasn’t such a good idea, but at the time I think I convinced myself that it was.

Had I gone temporarily insane?

Or did I know exactly what I was doing and what the consequence of my actions would entail?

Honestly?

I still don’t have the answer.

I don’t know if I ever will.

Did I really fall out of love with the love of my life?

No, absolutely not.

I just thought I did.

And now I’m paying the price.

Was it worth it?

No.

Was it the biggest mistake of my life?

You bet your sweet ***** it was.

Would I do again if I had the chance to rewind time?

Of course I wouldn’t, I’d run in the opposite direction.

Can I salvage anything from the utter destruction that’s followed in its wake?

I certainly hope so.

Will Tina ever forgive me or even forget what I did to us?

I don’t know.

I can only wish that, she does.

Will I ever give up on the two of us?

Not as long as I have a breath in my body.

I will never give up.

Am I a complete ***** idiot?

Am I a cosmological joke?

The answer to both those questions is yes.

Without a doubt, yes I am.

Ok so now it’s been established that I have completely and utterly fucked up everything that was good in my life, and I am officially an *****.  

What am I going to do about it?

The only thing I can do.

To try and win back the woman I love with every fibre of my being, and bring her back home where she belongs of course.

This is my story . . .

Bette Porter

I Was Too Blind To See When You Belonged To MeYou Were My, Everything!

Monday 17 November.

6.45 a.m. *****! Can’t get used to waking up alone. Don’t think I ever will. Can still smell her on the pillow. She smells so good. I love her smell. Make mental note to oneself not to wash the pillow, case until Tina comes home.