Spencer gave her an indulging smile and a head nod.

“Okay, here goes. You and Ashley will never be just friends, and that’s a good thing. I know you don’t want to hear this, ‘cos you’re still confused and stuff, but you are gonna get together, whether you believe that now or not. Because let me tell you sweetie, you still love that girl to death. I wish you could see the two of you from someone else’s eyes. Did you know that you always gravitate towards each other, that it seems like there is this thing that pulls you together. Even know, after seven years, it’s the same. I watched you watch each other during lunch, like you couldn’t really help yourselves, you know? In all the time you spent with Carmen, you never looked at her like that, because you two really were just friends. Can I ask you why you were with her for so long and for your own sake, think about it and be honest?”

Spencer was quiet for a good long while. She sighed before giving Madison a softly surprised look. Madison was not as shallow as she pretended to be. Still Spencer did not know if she wanted to admit out loud to her what she and Carmen both realized two years ago. It had been a painful realization for them both and Spencer still felt guilt over the whole thing. After all, she had basically used the girl for five years and all because she had been scared. So with another sigh she reluctantly answered.

“Because it was safe. Because she was sweet and beautiful and nowhere near deep enough in my heart to brake it. Because I could have fun with her, there was never any drama or fights and because in some small way she reminded me of Ashley. She was a version of Ashley I could handle, that I could safely have. Of course, I only realized this when she said she was moving to New York and that I shouldn’t bother coming with. She new on some level, I guess, because she said there was no hard feelings, that she loved me and that she knew I loved her too. As a friend. She smiled when she said that and I knew she did not regret staying with me for so long, even if I was just using her in a way. In the end I figured she must have been using me too, because her heart wasn’t exactly breaking either, you know?”