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The Architecture of Falling… – (Chapter: I Had No Choice)
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"I can’t do this with you anymore."
"You can’t do what?"
"I can’t just…I can’t just sleep with you and act like everything is fine. I can’t do that."
She shakes her head, annoyed and confused by my tone and my face and my need to pull over, "Then we should stop sleeping together."
The option of never touching her again is an impossible option that I’m incapable of submitting to.
"That’s not what I want."
"Then what do you want, Ashley?"
"I want you."
She stares at me, but says nothing.
"Did you hear me? I said I want you. I want all of you. I want more than just…"
"I can’t, ok? I don’t do relationships."
"But…"
"No, there’s no loophole or compromise that can me made here," she says slowly, as if I’m a child instead of the adult I used to be before she reappeared, "I thought we were on the same page, Ashley. If I had known that we weren’t then I never would’ve started this."
"When did you become this person?"
"Oh, please, don’t start. I grew up just like you did. It’s been two years and I don’t know if you remember but a lot of things are different now."
"I know."
She takes off her seatbelt and focuses her gaze on the windshield. She’s a million miles away already.
"Listen, I can admit that there was a time when I had a crush on you or whatever. Before…before my parents died. But after I saw how quickly you can lose someone you care about, I knew that relationships just weren’t worth the risk. Don’t get me wrong, sometimes I need to be close to someone, but even then it’s just physical. Like with you."
I knew that the more I threatened her wall of false security, the more reduced our connection would become in her inner monologue. And it wrecked me.
"I wouldn’t hurt you. I swear."
"This is such a…" she says, breaking to laugh for a moment before continuing, "this is such a joke. You know what? If I had come into that house talking about how I’m some born-again virgin and I’m not going to have sex until marriage or whatever, you’d be falling over yourself trying to fuck me. But since I tell you I don’t want a relationship, you have to somehow break me down and change me. It’s bullshit and it’s a game and I’m not willing to sacrifice myself in order to help you win your fucking prize. Take me to your house."
"It’s so not like that."
"Take…me…to…your…house. Now."
I shook my head. Everything had gone wrong and I knew that it would, so why would I be filled with so much disappointment? She had said nothing I hadn’t predicted she would say. Still…
"Could you just wait," I pleaded, clutching her hand, "could you just let me say something first?"
"It’s your car, I guess. Say whatever you want."
"I know that the past couple of years have been hell for you. And I know that what happened left a permanent mark on who you are. I get that. But you have to know that you can’t keep fucking people forever…avoiding real intimacy or whatever it is that you’re doing. And I care about you. I really do. I hope you know that. So if you ever change your mind or you want to talk to someone, then I’m here."
"Is that all?"
"Yeah…yeah, I guess."
"Good, now take me home. Please."
And so I did.
Because I had no choice.
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ash just broke the rules to there game, i’m glad she told spencer how much she cares for her but i think we along with ash knew spencer would just pull away and that’s what she did hope ash can break in soon
that just broke my heart a little, Ash cares so much for spencer and spencer knows it..she is all about the games..love this story so so much pms,I cant wait to see how it goes from here..maybe spencer will break? pms!!!!
Beautifully written..you capture the raw emotion they separately feel..as the reader, i can empathize with both perspectives..on some level, spencer’s concerns are legitimate..and ashley seems sincere, but i can understand spencer’s position (given her past history)..i hope that spencer can eventually learn to trust ash, but i have a feeling that things are gonna get worse before they get better..thanks for posting..i love this story..pms!
I’m glad that Ashley finally told her how she feels, and that Spencer acted the way she did. It’s only natural to feel that you can at any time lose the person(s) you love in a flash, but with that said; she can finally move on. I think that it showed a lot of maturity on Ashley’s part to tell her how she would still be there for her if she needs her and I do believe that when Spence realizes that Ashley means it, the dynamic’s in their relationship will change. Hmmm…I’m just guessing here. LOL….brilliant writitng and can’t wait for the next one. Cheers mate.
wonderfully written i’m so glad ash told spencer how she feels.pms!!
Poor Ashley, I sure hope Spencer quickly realizes what she’s throwing away.
i love this story… i love how the roles have switch and spencer is the angsty one… i have a feeling this are going to get really intersting! keep up the amazing work…
ash just broke the rules to there game, i’m glad she told spencer how much she cares for her but i think we along with ash knew spencer would just pull away and that’s what she did hope ash can break in soon
that just broke my heart a little, Ash cares so much for spencer and spencer knows it..she is all about the games..love this story so so much pms,I cant wait to see how it goes from here..maybe spencer will break? pms!!!!
Beautifully written..you capture the raw emotion they separately feel..as the reader, i can empathize with both perspectives..on some level, spencer’s concerns are legitimate..and ashley seems sincere, but i can understand spencer’s position (given her past history)..i hope that spencer can eventually learn to trust ash, but i have a feeling that things are gonna get worse before they get better..thanks for posting..i love this story..pms!
I’m glad that Ashley finally told her how she feels, and that Spencer acted the way she did. It’s only natural to feel that you can at any time lose the person(s) you love in a flash, but with that said; she can finally move on. I think that it showed a lot of maturity on Ashley’s part to tell her how she would still be there for her if she needs her and I do believe that when Spence realizes that Ashley means it, the dynamic’s in their relationship will change. Hmmm…I’m just guessing here. LOL….brilliant writitng and can’t wait for the next one. Cheers mate.
wonderfully written i’m so glad ash told spencer how she feels.pms!!
Poor Ashley, I sure hope Spencer quickly realizes what she’s throwing away.
i love this story… i love how the roles have switch and spencer is the angsty one… i have a feeling this are going to get really intersting! keep up the amazing work…
mk, i totally agree with my pal son1stfan on this one! i think spencer is in love with ashley but she is too scared to tell her. and she thinks that she will lose her like she did her parents. gah! you are an amazing writer!! i freaking LOVE this story!! PMS!!
mk, i totally agree with my pal son1stfan on this one! i think spencer is in love with ashley but she is too scared to tell her. and she thinks that she will lose her like she did her parents. gah! you are an amazing writer!! i freaking LOVE this story!! PMS!!
im kind of sad now………..
im kind of sad now………..
I hope Spencer can get past the hurt of her past to experience love in it’s rarest form with someone I believe could make her truly happy…Ashley. I agree with everything heythere commented on for this chapter. You are a fabulous writer and you most definitely have touched my heart with this amazing update. PMS
I hope Spencer can get past the hurt of her past to experience love in it’s rarest form with someone I believe could make her truly happy…Ashley. I agree with everything heythere commented on for this chapter. You are a fabulous writer and you most definitely have touched my heart with this amazing update. PMS
spencers a bitch
spencers a bitch
Ok, I can see where Spence is coming from, she’s still hurting so she tries to cut off her emotions so she can’t be hurt again. But I have to agree with Ash on this. Spencer can’t avoid falling in love. I think she is in love with Ash, she’s just too afraid to admit it to herself for the fear of ever losing her. Love this story. PMASAP!!!!!!!
Ok, I can see where Spence is coming from, she’s still hurting so she tries to cut off her emotions so she can’t be hurt again. But I have to agree with Ash on this. Spencer can’t avoid falling in love. I think she is in love with Ash, she’s just too afraid to admit it to herself for the fear of ever losing her. Love this story. PMASAP!!!!!!!
the whole “relationships aren’t worth the risk” line is so typical. no one really believes that, it’s just what they tell themselves when they haven’t found the right person or are commitment-phobic. Spencer’s nuts. Great job, keep it up!
the whole “relationships aren’t worth the risk” line is so typical. no one really believes that, it’s just what they tell themselves when they haven’t found the right person or are commitment-phobic. Spencer’s nuts. Great job, keep it up!