Four Months Later…

I was never one for clubbing, I hated the loud noise. I hated smelling like smoke and having to shout a conversation but tonight was different, I’d changed I was welcoming the loud music, letting it consume my body. I didn’t care about the noise, with the beautiful blonde in front of me there was no need for conversation. I was on my fifth cigarette of the evening, none of it mattered anymore. Everything was different now, I survived death. I was free.

I was standing in the middle of the dance floor my eyes closed mesmerized as my body swayed from side to side. For once I was in rhythm with the song playing. I was so good at faking things you’d never guess that this was the first time I was dancing to club music. My heart was beating fast, I was never good at this sort of thing. I moved closer, wrapping my arms around the girl in front of me. I could not deny the fact that for the first time in four month’s I was actually having fun, my eyes flickered open, brown eyes meeting blue ones. Only this was the wrong kind of blue, I forced those memories to the back of my mind. I couldn’t think about that now, I would not ruin my evening.

I could feel her breath on my neck a shiver ran down my spine. I let my eyes close again, I let myself enjoy this moment. I knew moments like these would never last for long. All good things always came to an end.

This was the type of contact I missed the most, but I would never give in to my desire to have it. Never again, not after everything that had happened. Human contact, I was denying it at all costs but not tonight. Tonight I was allowing myself to feel, I was giving myself this small reward after all the suffering I’d endured.

“Wanna get out of here?” her lips so close to my ear, licking my lobe… tempting me… bringing me out of my thoughts. Before answering I looked down at my watch, it was still too early. This was going too fast so I shook my head “Not yet” and pulled her closer my hands finding their way down her back, maybe a little too rough because I could hear her moan under my touch.