Every time I’ve put my heart on the line, I’ve gotten it back, shattered into pieces. But you… You’re not only shattering my heart, but you’re most likely the reason for my broken soul. Every day I still get calls from home asking if we’re together yet… It kills me when I tell them the truth… It kills me when I tell them that it’s just wishful thinking and that we will never be together. That we are only best friends and that is all we’ll ever be. It kills me when I tell them that I will never be the one who openly gets to hold your hand, or kiss your cheek. It is so bad that all I want to do is hold your hand or kiss your cheek? Is it so bad that I just want to tell you how much you truly mean to me? Is it so bad that I don’t know what is happening to me anymore?

    I told you that you mean more to me than anyone else ever has… you know what you mean to me, so why don’t I know what I mean to you? Why is it that you just can’t lay it all out there for me? Will we ever be anything more than just friends? Will I be proved wrong by all my friends who believe we will get together during our 4 years here? Or will I prove everyone wrong by actually telling them the truth; that there was never a time that you felt like you loved me back… that there would never be a time for me to openly hold your hand or kiss your cheek, just because I can.

    You are the cause of my broken soul… not directly, because I am the one putting positive thoughts in my head, wondering if you will actually do something that makes me feel like you love me back. I just wish that I didn’t have to stay in love with you for so long. I just wish that I could turn my heart off and forget about how I feel for you. I just wish that this is all a bad dream, and soon I’ll wake up realizing that someone honestly loves me the way I love them.

    How sad is it that I’m 18 and I have fallen in love with my best friend, who will never, ever return these feelings. How sad is it that I live off of my dreams, because that is the only time I honestly feel loved. I just want to be happy, and I wish I could be happy with you, but I know that that will never be an option. I know that you will never love me back, because we are just best friends, and I will still be wondering if one day, you might just love me back, Ashley. I will always be wondering if one day, you will be able to make my dreams come true and show me that you love me the way I love you.