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    It’s late now… Today I thought would be a great day… a day in the city hanging out with my best friend and a friend from back home… back home… socal… I can’t believe I actually miss it now that i’m finally up in San Francisco, living the college dream, with you, my best friend, who happens to be only 6 miles away.

    You always promised me forever, but why is it that I feel like forever is coming to an end too soon? Today was supposed to be a great day… not one full of jealousy and hatred. We were going to be seeing each other for the first time in 2 weeks, and I couldn’t believe just how much you changed in that short time. Ever since that night… the night that you told me you’d rather be with me than with him… the night I admitted that you mean more to me than anyone else, I felt like we have just been running in circles. Every time something gets too serious, we just back away.

    This is me staying serious in one of our conversations for once; I hated that today it was him who got to hold your hand, I hated that today it was him who could kiss you on the cheek, just because. I hated that today it was him who could hold you just because he felt like it. I hated that he could do all of that, and you let him do it without acknowledging that it was affecting me. You knew it hurt me, yet you continued to let him do it all. I told you that I felt bad for snapping at him, I lied. I don’t feel bad at all. I wish he got lost somewhere in the city today so it would’ve just been you and me. I would’ve been happy then.. I wouldn’t be lying in my bed thinking how much it hurts not being able to hold you, or hold your hand, or kiss you on the cheek, just because I can.

    I know you guys aren’t together, but I’m not sure if that helps at all. You said you wanted the attention, well, you sure as hell got it from him. You said you missed getting attention like you did back home… I hate to break it to you, but you still get all that attention, except now it’s only from me. I hate that you either just don’t get it, or you just like to play dumb. I hate that I can’t tell you the truth either. God knows I want to tell you that I love you, I’m just afraid.