Four

It’s kind of difficult to explain exactly how I got in this situation. See, my sister, Kyla, has this friend, Spencer. They’re about two years younger than I am. I always knew that Spencer had a little crush on me. It was obvious. And well, do you really blame her?

And I always had a little secret crush on her, if you will. Thing was, I didnt realize that my ‘little’ crush had developed into a full blown love. I dont remember when I realized it, well, not the exact time. But it was a little while after I slept with her the first time.

I honestly dont mean to be rough with her, even though she says she likes it, I feel bad at times. Spencer is the type of girl that you make love to, not fuck. She’s beautiful.

I guess its just because I’m an angry person in general. Sara, shes hot and all, and everybody is jealous that I’m dating her, but honestly, she’s not anything special. She’s mean. She treats me like I’m just there to sleep with her. I try to get us to go out, and no, nothing. It’s always ‘sex, sex, sex’ with her.

Like thats all I’m good for.

She never tells me I’m beautiful. It’s always ‘sexy’ or ‘hot’. She never puts her arm around me, or goes to hold my hand.

I guess that makes sense. I guess the reason why I treat Spencer like that is because I just like knowing that someone likes me. I like hearing her beg, it makes me feel better about myself.

Getting back to the story, I never told anyone about my…feelings for her. Not even Kyla. Why? Because that beautiful blonde deserves someone better then me. I want her to find a nice girlfriend. I have gone out of my way to avoid getting close to her. I need this to be just sex.

"I don’t have all day," I hear her mumble after a few moments. She pulls me out of my thoughts. I hadnt realized that she was still there, I was so wrapped up.

"It’s kinda hard to say," I tell her, not knowing what else to say. She’s looking at me like she’s angry. I dont want to hurt this girl. It’s like I was having a total change of pace, I didnt even feel like myself. No girl has even made me so nervous, made me want to be a better person. Girls, to me, they were always just objects.