Tonight my heart is cold
lost in your lies, shallow replies

And gravity prevails this time it’s over
And you think you’re the one

I wanted to be angry.  I wished so badly that I could just hate her and be done with it.  She was so damn perfect, even after all that time, all the words she said.  Somewhere along the way I’d stopped being pissed that she’d let me hang for so long wondering what happened and started being sorry that we lost out on six months we could have spent together.  Throwing the fact that I had a girlfriend out was a last resort, I felt bad, like I’d done something wrong when her face fell.  Then I went home to the girl I feared, because I was more afraid of the truth than I was of a few blows.

Calm me with your lies your simple tragedy
It’s all I wish to hear tonight
and you’re all I wish to be
And this is how we all fall

Tonight my heart is cold
Lost in your lies, shallow replies
Tonight I’ll just let go
Lost in your eyes, transparent cries

I knew she’d be drunk.  I knew she’d yell.  I knew she’d want sex.  But I went anyway.

                “Spencer where the hell have you been?!” she screamed, voice drawled into an intoxicated blur of words.

                “I went out.  Don’t worry about it.”

                “Of course I was worried! I love you, you know.  I don’t want anything to happen to you,” what a pack of lies.  She wasn’t worried.  I didn’t know that she loved me, because frankly, she didn’t.  She loved controlling me.  I did know that she didn’t want anything to happen to me; at least she was the one doing it.  That night, though, all I wanted was the lies she was feeding me.

And innocence derailed
Savage the poison
Unhurried compass east

                I think somehow she knew where I’d been, and more importantly who with.  She hit me hard, everywhere it wouldn’t show, and then proceeded to force herself on me.  It was something I’d grown used to, something no one should grow used to.  She whispered in my ear after it all, told me she loved me and she was sorry she’d hit me.  Then she continued to begin an explanation of why she was this way, before stopping short and rolling over sullenly.  Such were the events of several nights of the week.