My first few classes passed in a similar idleness, my mind miles away from where it should be. The weird part was, Avery wasn’t consuming my thoughts. It was as if a blankness had taken over me; a complete inability to think about anything. I may as well have been in a deep sleep.

            Only one class was left until lunch, and I began to grow panicked that I hadn’t come to any kind of conclusion about my guilty feelings. I was going to see Avery in 45 minutes, and I was going to be the same distant girl that I was this morning. I was stung with guilt – she didn’t deserve that at all. To make matters worse, this last class before lunch was Calculus, my least favorite. Math had never been my forte, and seemed even less interesting when taught by Mr. Smeath, the most dislikable man on the school’s faculty.

            The lesson droned on, and I paid less attention than I normally did. The numbers and symbols on the board were about as familiar to me as hieroglyphics, and Mr. Smeath’s voice was just an unpleasant drone acting as the soundtrack to my still jumbled thoughts.

Why couldn’t I feel confident that Avery was good for me? Everyone else seemed to think she was perfect: My mom, my dad, her parents, her sister, my brother…. Everyone that mattered. Could they see something I couldn’t? Could I see something they couldn’t? Why did I feel guilty when she looked at me? Why did I feel as if I wasn’t good enough for her? It was like I didn’t have enough to offer her. But what was it that she wanted? What wasn’t she getting from me? All she wanted was my heart, right? And I gave her that… right?

            And suddenly it hit me. I didn’t have a whole heart to give. It was smashed into pieces a while ago, and I hadn’t found them all yet.

I think my subconscious already knew that I was trying to love with an already broken heart, so in the end it wasn’t a huge surprise, but where did I go from here? What should I do? Should I tell her?

            “Miss Carlin” sneered an unpleasant voice. “As much as I enjoy you sitting there like a gaping idiot, I nominate you to do the next problem.” A maniacal smile twisted his ugly balding features, his lips curling back into a snarl. Seeing the look of confusion on my face, he was pleased.