“Fuck!” I screamed, while throwing my hand holding my phone down hard into my steering wheel.

I then lightly banged my head against the steering wheel multiple times, repeating over and over again how stupid I am. Flipping open my phone, I re-read the text message sent from Kaci.

Kaci: COME TO GREY’S! DRINKS ON ME MISS U

As I stared at the message, a huge rush of emotions hit me all at once like a head on collision with a semi truck. The mixture of sadness, anger, and guilt was almost too much to take, but temporarily putting the fight I had with Spencer in the back of my mind, I finally got the courage to text Kaci back.

Ashley: U still at Grey’s?

I bit my lip nervously waiting for her reply.

Kaci: Ya. Will I be seeing u?

My phone shook in my trembling hands as I feared what I might say. I kept telling myself to say no, but for some reason my body seemed to react without consulting my brain, let alone common sense.

Ashley: Be there in a bit.

I squeezed my eyes shut tightly as I pressed the send button. I knew it wasn’t too late to turn back, but let’s face it, my common sense had left the building a long time ago.

The car ride to Grey’s was excruciatingly nerve racking. I had to wipe my palms on my pants multiple times, because my hands were sweating so badly that I could barely hold onto the steering wheel. My heart felt like it was about to pound out of my chest and over all I was basically terrified. Not only was I sneaking behind my girlfriends back, but I was also going to see the girl who had drastically changed my life.

I hated taking my frustration out on Spencer earlier, of course she didn’t deserve it, but how do you explain to your girlfriend that you’re ex-girlfriend  -the girl who not only made you realize you were gay, but you also had a strong infatuation for- just so happened to text you? And the worst part is I actually felt the urge to see her.

It hadn’t been to Grey’s since high school and looking at its now run down appearance really had me appreciating Ego. I walked in through the smoke filled entrance and slowly made my way over to the bar. I took a seat and ordered a bud light from the bar tender, while unconsciously tapping my foot against the stool. Nervous habit.