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Kardia Mou – (Chapter: Ch. 4)
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I apologize deeply to all of you who have been reading this story. I’m afraid I must cut it shorter than I had originally intended. This is not fiction for me, and I find myself too heartbroken to continue. I was hoping for a happy ending, but it seems an unrealistic ideal when one falls for a straight girl. The e-mail that will conclude this chapter, I received at 3:30 this afternoon.
When I got home from my study abroad, Spencer and I experienced a wonderful two weeks together. We went for long walks by the water, and sat for hours discussing life in each other’s absence and general new perspectives. It was clear that we had both changed, but we somehow had managed to grow together while being so far apart.
One evening we spent sitting on a bench that overlooked the water. She smoked swisher sweets, and I had a few cigarettes. She had situated herself on the bench first, and I was being careful to keep my distance. I wasn’t sure I would be able to control myself if she got too close. I sat on the opposite end of the bench to be respectful and try to maintain a friend vibe. She scooted down and lifted my arm to drape it over her shoulders. Her head settled into my chest, and I found myself immediately speaking more softly at almost a whisper. It was then that I knew I would have to confess my feelings to her. She had to know. Maybe when she was leaving was the perfect time. I would have all summer to get over the rejection, or cultivate our love via letters and emails.
I didn’t get the guts to talk to her before she left. In fact I made the mistake of getting a little too drunk on her last night, and ended up sobbing my goodbye outside of the club when she left.
I wrote her a letter. I wrote her a really, really amazing letter. Terrified of what she may or may not say, I did not send it, but rather I wrote other letters in its place. I signed every letter, “kardia mou,” which means my heart in Greek. She signed hers, “mi cielo,” my sky in Spanish. I sent her CDs of songs I thought she would like, but they were really just all the songs that made me think of her.
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I was really scared to keep reading after what you said in the first paragraph, i didn’t know if i should have read into your life or not, but i did, and i just wanted to say, i’m deeply sorry. =[ I’m not trying to be all mushy and what not, cause i know the worst thing to happen when your depressed is to get even more depressed, but having your heart broken may be the one thing that will show you how to love and to find true love. Don’t go by my words though, i’m just a dumb high school girl. I guess you really just have to find it in yourself. But everyone has an expirence with heartbreaks, its just life. I wish you the best, and if it makes you feel any better, you are very talnted at writing, it seems like it comes naturally for you.
wow. that was so sad. I’m truly sorry that you had to cut it short but I completely understand why, I think we’ve all fallen for a straight girl at one point and had our heart crushed by it. truth is my experience was remarkably similar to this story so yea I understand. it was a fantastic story though, one I have loved every word of and I commend you for writing it! hope to hear more from you soon, I love your writing style =)
I rarely leave comments because to me…comments can rarely express the feelings or emotions that go through a reader or even a writer when they’re reading/writing a story. But I felt that I had to leave a comment today. Like I wouldn’t forgive myself if I didn’t. If I closed out the window and went downstairs acting like I hadn’t been affected by your story. Affected in both a good and bad way. We’ve all been where you are…ok not exactly where you are and granted…not all of us have felt that pain. But. I have. So has a lot of your readers as expressed by their comments. My experience? I seem to fall for only straight girls. I guess it’s my vice. I know what I’m getting myself into but yet I can’t seem to stop myself. Mayagray is right though. My first love…granted she wasn’t straight…also wasn’t “ready” for a relationship and we were great friends before I fell for her. She helped me become comfortable with who I am. She eventually severed ties with me in the hopes that I’d get over beings there was no contact going on. She was right. I eventually stopped thinking about her…and yeah I still think about her from time to time…but now…I strictly think of her in a friendly way. And when you do finally get over a love…a love that had tortured your heart…it feels oh so good. But until then….we’re all here to listen because we’ve been there. Reading your story today just brought back so many memories. And it absolutely killed my heart. And I know that it killed yours. Anyway…now that I’ve written a very long comment…lol. I just want to leave you with this…please don’t think that it’s anything that you did. You did nothing wrong by falling for “Spencer”. It’s completely human. And unfortunately (sometimes fortunately) it happens to all of us. But like I said earlier…we’re all here to listen. With love, Kaitlyn
Ugh that was heart wrenching. I’ve gone through that TWICE and it’s completely crushing. You lose the person you’re in love with and your best friend at the same time. The only way I ever got over it was to cut them off. Those feelings don’t go away and if you keep her in your life you risk trying to do something NO ONE should have to do – make someone love you back. It’s impossible. You will have to lose her and with it maybe the most purest love you will ever experience but it has to be done. Unreciprocated love is pretty much the worst thing in humanity. Sorry man :(
i’m doing the best that i can to not cry right now, ( i do not cry easily, so that’s a pretty high compliment). i agree with sonfanforever, i hope to read more of your stuff, you have a talent.
okay so my comments on storys are usualy pretty basic i have to say imm speachless im sad to hear its ending but im more sad to know that in real life your not geting your happy ending with that speacial someone,you might think that this girl is the only one but i garuntee you shes not there are alot of other girls that would love to be with you,i know itas easyer said then done im still geting over someone but there is someone for you i hope you get your happy ending,also i loved the poem it was fantastic i almost cried and i dont cry thank you very much :) pms please :) i cant wait ps. i also agree with mayagray ive had to do that :( but it works its self out :)