A car pulls up as I’m turning the corner.

“Can I at least give you a ride?” she yells through her car window.

Why is it so hard for me not to be mad at her? She’s hurt me one too many times, but i can’t and right now my brother is all that’s worrying me.

I shook my head no as I continue to walk down the side walk looking at the cement ahead. My eyes started to swell as I remember Clay in the hospital, just lying there hanging on to life. I stop and the sobs just roll down my cheeks as I hide my face in my hands. I wish someone would just tell me this is just a really bad nightmare and Clay’s at home waiting for us.

I’m crying harder now as I hear the car door slam. Flip flops running towards me again and I’m not trying to get away. I feel her hand gently on my shoulder and I cave. I crash into her arms hanging on tight. I don’t feel her arms right away I guess she was trying to catch on what I just did. As her arms finally wrap around me I cry harder and feel like the sobs are never going to end.

“Shh…its okay…” she whispers as she tries to calm me. “Shh…” squeezing me tighter.

Tears soak up her shirt while I shake my head gently, while she pulls back holding my arms looking into my drowned out eyes.

“What?” she ask softly.

“He’s…it’s not going to be okay…he’s not okay…” she pulls me into the hug, squeezing tighter as she speaks.

“Oh my god Spencer…I’m so sorry…” rubbing my back, whispering, “I’m so sorry.”

**

As I was holding her all I kept thinking about was how I wish there was some way I could make things better. Knowing that there wasn’t I just held on to her tightly, afraid of letting her go…of losing her, again. My eyes started to swell as I listen to her sobs, it hurt me so much just seeing how much Spencer was going through and there was nothing I could do to help her.