My reaction was only a laugh.

“Ok.” She said shaking her head embarrassed.

“What makes you think that?” I asked her tightening my protective grip around me. She shrugged.

“I was only thinking about it. Kate likes to have people around her that she can manipulate, and Ashley is one of those people. And you,” At this she pointed her finger at me eyes narrowing as if trying to form the twisted web of connections into something coherent. “You seem unnaturally focused on Ashley. It is almost like you are jealous of her in a way.” At this, I scoffed, making Rachel switch tactics. “Right, then why would you set Kate up with your brother? But I guess people do anything to keep someone they love close.” This is when it started to get weird, even for Rachel’s standards of weird. “Even if you are developing feelings for someone because they are nice to you. It doesn’t necessarily mean you are really into them.” I understood then that she was not even talking to me anymore. My eyes grew wide as I watched her pace.  “Even if you find the person attractive and cool doesn’t mean you want them. Just means you really like them as a person and you – “

“What the hell are you talking about?” I interjected shaking my head looking at her completely lost in her rambling.

Anxiously she cleared her throat back peddling into some semblance of her former point. “What I mean is it would explain why you are always targeting Ashley, and if you like Kate it doesn’t mean you are…weird.”

Maybe it was the pressure of keeping it bottled coupled with Rachel’s willingness to share, my odd reaction in class and her astute observation that made me want to unload. Maybe my heart just could not take it anymore. “I am jealous.” And so it began…

“What? Of Ashley?” Rachel asked thinking of taking a step forward but restraining herself.

I shook my head casting my eyes down conscious that I was investing stock in the most bizarre form of confidant. “I was always jealous that Kate had such a pull toward her, and all I could ever do was push her away.” This was when I looked back up into Rachel’s damaged face and saw the tables had turned. She pitied me.