I have forgotten what her touches feel like. Her smells. I had a hoodie of hers that she left at my house. I sleep with it every night, hoping to smell just a piece of her on it. But there’s nothing. Her scent is gone. Faded, just like she is. It hurts. And reminiscing doesn’t hell, but for me it’s the price I pay. The price I want to pay. Ashley use to tell me that when I was afraid she would always be there for me. Together or not, she told she would always wipe away my tears. That she would always catch me if I fell.

Where the fuck was I when she was falling? When she was crying? I was the causing it all. There were times I just wanted to reach out and pad away her tears with my thumbs.

I still remember the first time we met. I knew just by looking t her that she as different. There was something so different about her. I found myself drawn to her. Her friendship was something I wanted to get. That smile when she said hi to me was so new, that I couldn’t help but fall in love that day.

Out of no where she called me on the phone one day. She wanted to know if I wanted to hang out. She said she would show me around LA. I said sure. I remember sitting in the car, and wanting to talk to her for hours. She was so new, so crazy and unknown. I just knew that our friendship would never sever.

But than a year rolled around, and we were barely holding on. What happened to the way this all used to be? I never wanted her out of my life. I sat there for a long time pretending not to see what I had done. I refused to take any blame, or even acknowledge the fact that she was dead. I sat there thinking about how it didn’t work out. And the sad thing is that I think deep down in side, we thought it couldn’t. After prom, we couldn’t even really stand each others sight. It shouldn’t have ended the way it did, but it did. And I miss her. And I know I shouldn’t. I miss her and everything she was to me.