Glen: I don’t even know who you are anymore. You’re not my sister. I don’t know who you are anymore.

END OF FLASHBACK

I don’t know who I am anymore either. I knew her miscarriage was a sensitive subject for her, and that was what I used against her. I will never forget her face that day. She stood there and took insult after insult, and when I said her baby was better off dead; I thought she was going to die. I think she did. Or, at least a little part of her. I have never seen Ashley in all my life cry. She cried a little for her father, but other than that, it was like she was made of stone.

But stone chips and breaks after a while. You just got to keep hitting it, and eventually it breaks. And that’s what I did to Ashley. People tell me not to blame myself, that stuff happens. I wonder if they would still feel the same way about me knowing what I had done. That it was I, Spencer Carlin who broke Ashley Davies. A little piece of her died that day. I know it. I saw it in her eyes. And at that moment, I didn’t even care. I was so hell bent on hurting her, that I didn’t care how I did it.

Glen hardly spoke to me anymore after that. Madison wouldn’t even look my way. Even Clay, wouldn’t talk to me that much. I was starting to lose everything including myself in my hatred. It’s funny. I wanted to hurt Ashley so much, but didn’t even realize I was hurting myself in the process. In the end, I was just like Ashley. I was alone. And it felt horrible. I could only imagine how Ashley must have felt all those years.

Sometimes I lay awake in bed, and think about all the stuff I did to her. The things I said. I wonder if she is happier up there. I wonder if she’s with her dad and baby. People who love her. I wish I could see her one more time to tell her I am so fucking sorry for what I did. But I can’t. Why did it have to take her death to make me realize what I was doing? Why, when it was all too late. The damage had been done. And I wish I could say that it stopped there that day in the parking lot. But it didn’t. The days that followed started marking the ending of a life, and the shattering of another. The days that followed were far beyond what anyone could have imagined. The days that followed started marking down the days that led to Ashley’s death. And I had no one to blame, but myself.