“I’d never what?”  Spencer put a piece of chicken in her mouth. 

“Never love me back,” whispered Vanessa. 

She nearly choked on the chicken.  “Why do you…what makes you say that?”

“Come on, Spencer.  Do you really have to ask me that?”

“Yes.”  And then softer, added, “yes, I really do.”

“Spencer, you’re still in love with Ashley.”

Spencer dropped her fork.

6:45PM Saturday, September 14, 2013

Ashley picked up her fork and then laid it down again.  She wasn’t hungry.  She hasn’t been hungry in two years.  Her appetite had vanished the day Spencer ran out of her life.  Getting up from the table, Ashley shuffled over to her bedroom and grabbed her laptop and climbed into bed.  She flipped it open, and stared at her email.  It had been almost a year and a half since she had last emailed Spencer.  She stopped because Spencer had never responded to one of her emails and when she had lost her undergraduate account at UCLA, she didn’t want Spencer to think she was stalking her.  Ashley knew Spencer’s current email address – her assistant had found it for her when she asked last fall – and considered emailing her now.  But then she remembered that Spencer had run away, yet again, at the club the night before.  And, Spencer could easily email her if she wanted to.  Apparently she didn’t.

6:50PM Saturday, September 14, 2013

After a few minutes of silence, Spencer was still looking at her plate of food.  “I’m still in love with her,” she mused, more to herself than to Vanessa, her head nodding along with her thoughts.  “I never found closure.  Didn’t want to…because I didn’t want it to be true…didn’t want it to be over.  But I didn’t try to fix things either.  And I used you.” 

“Spencer…”

“No.”  Spencer cut her off.  “I used you Vanessa.  And you knew this.  You knew I was still in love, that I wasn’t over Ashley.  And you continued to let me use you!  I’m such an awful person!”  With this, Spencer hastily pushed back her chair and began to pace.  “I can’t believe this.  How did I turn into this?  How could I do this to you?” Spencer stopped pacing and, for the first time since she had come to her revelation, turned to look at Vanessa.  She stared at her with her beautiful blue eyes.  A blond wisp of hair fell into her face as she leaned on the table.  “My God.  Vanessa, I am so sorry.  I…I don’t even know the words to say to…”  She hesitated, not knowing what to say.