So after hours of aimlessly driving i ended up going to the beach. Yes the beach, the place where Spencer and i met, the place where we spent most of our time together, the fucking place where i fist told her that i wanted us to be more than just friends. I guess i ended up going there to see if i could get some answers but i didn’t. nope all i did was think. mostly about the many ways i messed up, about the many ways i could have changed the situation to actually not be in this particular situation but hey what can i say im Ashley no nothing about relationships-destined to screw a good thing up-make a person really regret knowing you Davies. I think it pretty much explains itself right? I sat in the sand for about a half an hour just thinking, which didn’t help once again, then finally decided to go home and get some much needed rest. This trying to win spencer back routine was hard and could really make a persons head hurt like a bitch. When i finally reached home there was no one there and my sister Kyla left me a note saying she went out shoping with mommy dearest so i had the house to myself and it was quiet. I smiled at the bliss and decided on trying to call Spencer since she wouldn’t come to the door when i went over to her house earlier. Of course the phone rang and rang and rang and once again rang until it went to voice mail.

"hey spencer its me ashley…would you please pick up your phone we really need to talk." 

After leaving the message i clicked the end button on my phone and made my way up to my room. I settled on checking my e-mail to see if she maybe sent me a message of some kind even if it wasn’t much but just to say hi but there was nothing there. There were a few messages from this magazine i subscribed to and from the fruit of the month club but nothing from her. It’s really starting to get me down how she can just cut me off and not even hesitate but i feel like im losing my sanity and fast not being able to talk to her. I hate that feeling. But what i hate most of all is knowing that she obviously has me wrapped around her finger if i can’t even get it together and be away from her for less that 4 days. I turned off my computer screen and dramatically threw myself on my bed. I felt like screaming, crying, throwing things, but all i did was drift off to sleep.