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Always Her – (Chapter: chapter sixteen)
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Her voice cracked and a few tears slid down her cheeks. I wanted to reach over and wipe them away but didn’t. I wasn’t sure if I could handle the physicality of it. It was killing me not to comfort her but things were still too shaky.
"That’s what killed me the most. Thinking I’d never see you again. It was the final straw. I needed to find you. There’s too much here to just let go like this."
"If you knew you were hurting me why did you continue to do it?"
Before I knew it I was crying silently. But I wanted an answer. How do you do that to someone you supposedly love?
"I was selfish Ash. It’s no excuse but it’s the truth. My head was all over the place and I knew there was no way that we could be just friends after what we had together. I didn’t want to be just friends. But I didn’t want to face who I am. I had no right to do it and I’m sorry."
I cried harder. Selfish? She did all of this to me because of selfishness. I didn’t know what to think or do. I wasn’t exactly angry. I already knew the answer so it shouldn’t have been a surprise. It was more of an awakening of sorts. Maybe it was karma coming back to slap me. Maybe I deserved it for all of the nameless girls’ lives I had ruined. Maybe whatever higher being is out there decided it would be a just punishment. I didn’t know why I was thinking that way but I needed to leave. I couldn’t be around her while all of those doubts were swimming in my head.
I stood and was quickly moving toward the door.
"Ashley, where are you…"
I didn’t hear her finish. I was already on my way back to the hotel. I sprinted up the stairs, taking them two at a time. I knew she was behind me, even before I heard her knocking softly on the door. I didn’t answer. I didn’t want to see her. I was temporarily stuck in my past for some reason. Her hurting me was no different than anything I had ever done. She was there, outside the door, waiting. But somehow my twisted mind had turned this on me and I couldn’t help but think I wasn’t good enough anymore.
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I have literally been crying off and on since chapter six, (more on than off ;). Your story has so much raw emotion, I’m a bit overwhelmed at times! I really think that Spence should be all like ‘Ash! I know what your thinking and you are good enough, your better than good enough your great!’ and then Ash should just fall into her arms sobbing and crying about all the stuff she is feeling and then they should live happily ever after! But from what I can tell you like your sad, heartbroken, angstyness(I know not a word, but Oh well…), so I doubt that’s what happens…Great story, your an amazing writer! I hope you post a new chapter soon! Until then I bid you Adu(SP?) OH! and sorry if this seems sort of ramblyish…I’m running on about two and a half hours of sleep here…:)
that’s so hard for ash cause seriously she went a really long time being with a girl who just up and decided one day that she was gonna have a boyfriend too. come on spence, step up ur game! awesome post, sad its almost over! but pms soon
Oh my! That was a treat to wake up to :0)soooo glad you found time to post. I was half expecting Ash to be gone in the morning as I know you like your angst so I was pleasantly surprised she was ready to talk. Karma is a great righter of wrongs, if it’s shown Ash that she’s been no better than Spencer at times it’s all for the good and Spashleyness can abound…please?? It’s Saturday morning so I’m not quite with it yet, I’d rather be in bed so my reviewing skills are not fully functioning just yet lol! It was great, can’t wait for the next chapter even though it’s the last *sobs* Glad I could cheer you up a bit and it wasn’t too lame xx LD P.S. PMS!!! lol!
I agree with Littledragonfly its a great thing to have this morning. Thank you for posting. Karma really is a great thing. Ash is good enough but right now its up to Spencer to so her that she is again. Well awesome post. Good job. Waiting for the next one. :)
I love it I’m at work reading this and it’s worth getting in trouble but I feel like Ash sometimes I wonder what it would be like if I just left would she even care but me don’t know anyways keep up with what you’re doing can’t wait and see what Ashley does… Pms!!
You write with so much emotion I forget their not real. I love the story for that reason. I just wish it was longer
awesome!!! pms!!!
Great update! The emotion you can capture in your writing is just ridiculous. It’s amazing how you can do that. I love this story because of it.
i just started reading your story and i love it i can’t wait for you to post more i love how you do the point of views hell i just love your story all the raw emotions are really great in the story spence really shouldn’t have cared what everyone else thought about her love for ash and just went for it but anyway can’t wait for more post soon?please…….PMS PLEASE