I paused to look at her and catch my breath. My own tears were threatening to fall again. She had stood up and was leaning against the wall watching me intently. She had stopped crying and looked a little hurt at everything I had said. She was about to say something but I wasn’t done yet.

"I gave you everything I possibly could. And I never thought I’d stop. But I can’t do it any longer. It’s one thing for us to be together with no one knowing but this past year has beaten me down to my breaking point. I can’t be around while you’re with him anymore. Especially because I don’t trust myself to not take advantage of you in some moment of weakness. And I cannot deal with this heartbreak again. I can’t. And being around, seeing you two together, is just too hard to think of. I never wanted to give up on our relationship but I don’t have any other choice."

I stopped as my tears finally fell.

"Ash.."

She walked toward me. Arms out as if to hug me.

"Don’t. Don’t touch me right now. I can’t handle it. If you have something to say, say it from over there."

There was no missing the hurt on her face that time as she stepped back a few feet. At that point, I couldn’t find it in me to feel sorry.

"Why did you leave Saturday night?"

"Seriously Spencer?! Were you not listening a minute ago? Was I spilling my feelings to the walls? I couldn’t sit there and watch while you threw your life away. For him. Was it clear enough for you that time??"

Even I caught the venom in my voice that time.

"But I didn’t Ash. I said no. When I looked around and saw that you weren’t there, I knew I needed to be here, with you. Not with him. When he asked me to marry him all I could think about was not being able to be with you anymore. And that broke my heart."

I won’t lie. When she said that I gave her the coldest glare I could muster.

"Yeah well, join the club. It’s no fun is it?"

She started to cry again.

"Ash I’m so sorry for everything I’ve put you through. You’re right, you’ve done nothing but give and all I’ve done is take. I’ve been an ass for so long. I swear, I knew I loved you almost from the minute we met. But I couldn’t deal with it. You know that. But Ash? I’m ready now. I’m willing to take whatever comes at me so long as you’ll be right there with me. One of my biggest hurdles has already been jumped. I told my mother. Apparently my father already knew."

She paused quick and grinned a little.

"I know you’re planning on actually leaving, and if you still want to go I understand. But I’ll be waiting for you when you get back."

She looked hopefully at me. I hesitated. She was saying everything I had wanted her to say but there was a tiny part of my brain yelling at me to say no, that it was too little too late.