Still sobbing I went in my room and decided to get rid of everything that reminded me of her. I tore her clothes from my closet, ripped the dolls heads off, smashed the CD’s and the pictures on the floor, ripped up the notes, and sprayed Febreeze to get rid of her intoxicating scent.

My dad heard my smashing and storming around and burst in the door. There I was, sitting in a pile of clothes, broken cd’s, ripped pictures, and love notes, looking extremely pathetic, crying my eyes out.

“Spencer, honey.” Was all he said at he held me in his arms. “You really are heartbroken aren’t you?”

I just nodded my head and managed to stammer out through a fit of tears. “I still l-love her dad.”

“I know, Spencer. I know.”

We sat there for what seemed like forever before he said we should clean this up. I put all the broken and ripped items in a trash bag, and her clothes in another bag and put them by the front door.

As I was walking into the living room, I saw my dad and Glen break down into tears. And then it hit me. I spent all this time being selfish and crying over my pathetic life, and my own brother was dead. Feeling more guilty than ever, I sat down with them and cried for my brother, and for Chelsea.

“Why did it have to be Clay?” Glen asked. “It should have been me. I’m the good for nothing son who does drugs and-.”

“Who did drugs.” I corrected. “Don’t say that Glen. You’re a great brother.”

“And a son.” My dad added in.

“Thanks guys. And I’m sorry Spencer for yelling at you about Ashley. It just kills me to see anyone hurt you or break your heart.”

“It’s ok Glen.” I said while giving him a hug.

My dad decided to go to bed. After all, he had been up all night with Clay, saying I love you before he died. Glen was too wired to go to bed, so we decided to watch some mindless TV, and look at a photo album of Clay.

“God damn. I wonder what Chelsea is going to do.” He said.

“Yeah, I know. Thank god her parents let her back in the house. At least they are more understanding.”

“Do you think she’s going to keep it?”

I didn’t respond. Once again, I had started to be selfish and think about Ashley and I. I repeated what she said over and over again in my mind. I’m not sure. I’m not sure. I’m not sure.

“Earth to Spencer!” Glen said, waving his hand over my face.

“Oh…what? Sorry..”

“Still thinking about Ashley huh?”

“Yeah. I know it seems pathetic but I still love her. I can’t let what we had go.”

“Well, I know its rough, but your going to have to let it go sooner or later. Because you never know if she will do this to you again.”

“True. I just don’t know how.”

“The only advice I have is when your ready, find someone new.” Glen said, yawning. “Well I’m beat. You coming up?”

“No, I’m going to stay down hear for a while.”

“Ok. Goodnight Spencer.”

“Goodnight.”

After about 45 minutes of staring at the TV, thinking about Ashley, I was tired. I started to head up to bed when I realized I needed to bring the trash out.

As I opened the front door, Ashley stood there, about to knock with her eyes all puffy and red and badly bruised around her wrists.

“Hey Spencer.”