Stop. What are you doing? Why are you here? Who are you? Your stuck Shane, you’ve got to get out. Shaney, where are you? What’s happening to you Shane? Why did you let her go? You’re going to die Shane. Shhhh, it’s ok, I’m here.

They’re all worried about me. They say it; voice it regularly with this sad look in their eyes. I know they want me to talk, to shout or scream or even cry…but I haven’t been able to cry for a long time now. I haven’t been able to say what’s wrong with me because I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’ve thought about it for hours on end, day after day, night after night.

It’s all I think about, it’s all they talk about, these voices in my head. They taunt me, call me tell me what’s really happening. And the only one I care about is her…she whispers in that calm soothing tone that she use to use when we were in bed and I had one of those dreams. Sh, it’s ok, I’m here. I feel like a fucking little kid talking about nightmares. She loved me…I think. I don’t know how I got like this; I don’t know how I got so fucked up.

What are you doing? Who are you? Shaney, where are you? What’s happening to you Shane? Why did you let her go? You’re going to die Shane. You need to make up your mind Shane… you need to stop.

Bette, oh sweet Bette with her sorrow filled eyes and her need to know, to understand everything. I can tell that it’s driving her mad, that she wants to fix me to make me right again. I wish she could, I wish she could just use that crazy authoritive voice and make everything better. I wonder if she would find her for me.

“Shane?” she brings one of those plastic cups filled with chipped ice over, a fake smile on her face. “Are you thirsty?”

I shake my head no, and the voices scream making the room spin and spin. They want an answer…they want the truth and I guess I do too. They watch, and I can see them waiting I can see them counting the minutes the hours until I can say something meaningful. Something that will give them peace that will make it better. Who will take away my pain?